Amy: Hold on. You're getting married and you didn't invite me?
Penny: It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
Amy: Wow. Hope I can catch the bouquet from here.

Leonard: Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Bernadette: Aww, that was beautiful.
Howard: Yeah. I mean, not like our wedding beautiful.
Bernadette: No, we totally won.

Sheldon: Your friends? I think you mean my friends. And why wasn't I invited to this?
Amy: Maybe because the two of us being there would make them feel awkward.
Sheldon: We make everyone feel awkward. That's our thing!

Penny: So what package are you thinking?
Leonard: This one comes with music and flowers. Oh, they even stream the whole thing live on the Internet.
Penny: Why would we want that?
Leonard: Because, there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist. Let's give them hope.

Leonard: I can't believe I'm spending my wedding night with you.
Sheldon: Really? I never imagined it any other way.

Officiant: Is that the song from Toy Story?
Penny: He loves that movie.
Leonard: (emotional) I do.

Penny: Leonard. You're not only the love of my life. You're my best friend. And you've got a friend in me. You got troubles. I got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We stick together and we can see it through, because you've got a friend in me.

Sheldon: Oh, you don't need to worry about her. She's brilliant and attractive. She can do way better than Leonard.

Sheldon: Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
Mary Cooper: When your idiot brother redeems mankind, he can date whoever he wants.

Penny: No, I want to. Look, we've put this off long enough. Let's do it.
Leonard: Oh, that's exactly what you said the first time we slept together.

Sheldon: I didn't want to come in. I was told it would make everyone uncomfortable. So I'll just stay out here and pretend I don't need to go to the bathroom.

Bernadette: You feeling okay?
Amy: We were together for so long, I honestly don't know what I'm feeling.
Howard: That's understandable. You forgot. It's called happy.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: When last we spoke, you said you needed time.
Amy: It's only been eleven hours.
Sheldon: The Lord of the Rings trilogy was nearly eleven hours. I made you watch that, you said it was an eternity.

Sheldon: Leonard, have you gotten married yet?
Leonard: No. Why?
Sheldon: Good. Don't do it.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Some important new information has come to light. Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts but I was wrong. No piece of paper ever cut me this deep.

Sheldon: You would never make me kiss you, then say I love you, then break up with me.
Leonard: I wouldn't.
Sheldon: You know why? Because you're a man. The champagne of genders.
Leonard: I may be a man, but I think I'm the one that screwed up on this one.
Sheldon: And you admit it. Like a man. All your hear woman say is "I'll have a salad", "Where's my lip gloss?", "I think this element should be called radium."
That last one was Madame Curie.
Leonard: I figured that out.
Sheldon: You know what? She was sort of an honorary man. She had a penis made of science.

Sheldon: Would you mind opening the door and then angrily slamming it behind me?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: Thank you.
And slam it hard, because I am pretty steamed.

Penny: Well, I told her to be true to herself and do what makes her happy.
Sheldon: Do what makes her happy? She plays the harp and her car is paid for. How much happier can she be?

Sheldon: You know, this might sound far-fetched, but I'm on the market now. If I dated Mandy, that would teach both Leonard and Amy a lesson.
Penny: That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: Oh, you're right. I could never be with a woman whose self-esteem is so low she could be with Leonard.
Penny: I'm with Leonard.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. Forever.

Mary Cooper: Well, honey, don't send it back yet. Your sister's married, and I'm not letting your brother give my grandmother's ring to that whore he's dating.

Penny: You wrote vows?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
Leonard: I don't have to say them.
Penny: No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy, you'll cry. We've got this.

Leonard: Buddy, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me, like I do to you when you say dumb things.

Sheldon: Wow. Marriage must agree with you. You are just glowing.
Leonard: I'm not glowing. I'm upset.
Sheldon: Well, whatever it is, it agrees with you.

Sheldon: Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny.

Penny: Nicely done.
Leonard: Finally there's a Mrs. Hofstadter who isn't disappointed in me.
Penny: Well, the night is still young.

Leonard: Listen. If you're imagining that it was sexy, it wasn't. We were both drunk and she smelled like an ashtray. The boat was moving a lot, so I chipped her tooth.
Penny: Did you feel guilty?
Leonard: Well, she had dental insurance.

Sheldon: I see what's happening. Sides are forming. Well, if Bernadette's on Amy's team, I pick Howard.
Howard: I'm not taking sides.
Sheldon: Fine. I guess I'm stuck with Raj.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: At least you got picked.

Leonard: Hey, if you're hungry, there's a breakfast buffet at the strip club next door.
Penny: Thanks, but I don't like glitter on my scrambled eggs.
Leonard: I don't think the strippers prepare the meal, but okay.

Sheldon: Would you like to hear another reason why men are better than women?
Leonard: Sure. Let's make it an even hundred.

Mary Cooper: Do you wanna tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Are you gonna say it's all part of God's plan?
Mary Cooper: Good chance.

Leonard: Hang on. I believe I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold.
Penny: Can you?
Leonard: Who do you think carries Sheldon to bed when he falls asleep in front of the TV?

Sheldon: Amy's upset? Is it about me?
Leonard: No, I think it's because we're eloping.
Sheldon: Your marriage is causing her pain? You know great, I take it back. Go ahead and do it. Yay for love!

Sheldon: It turns out being sweet isn't enough to keep a girl these days. I blame Madonna.

Penny: What's this?
Sheldon: Leonard told me what happened, so I took it upon myself to make you a hot beverage.
Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Sheldon: I know.

Sheldon: Raj, you're probably wondering why Amy and I aren't showing any affection to one another.
Raj: Didn't even crack the top ten.

Penny: Whatever. Put us on the Internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

Sheldon: Hello, mother.
Mary Cooper: Shelly. How's my baby doing?
Sheldon: I just wanted to let you know that you can remove Amy from your nightly prayers. Unless you're open to praying for a bee hive to fall on her head.

Leonard: So, what do you think? Should we run next door and grab a bite?
Penny: Well, what if they call our names?
Leonard: Oh, don't worry. They gave me this vibrating coaster.
Penny: Oh, and the fairy tale continues.

Sheldon: Oh, you're going to a wedding alone. That's sad.

Sheldon: You seem to be headed somewhere. May I walk with you?
Amy: Sure.
Sheldon: Boy, I'm glad we're going out again.
Amy: We're not back together.
Sheldon: Why? Is there someone else? Just couldn't wait for that first notch on your bed post. Could you?

Leonard: Okay, look. Instead of fighting, why don't we dim the lights, get naked and make a baby?

Was trying to lighten the mood. It's not easy. You try it.

Stuart: I know what you're going through. My last break-up was pretty tough.
Amy: Oh, what was her name?
Stuart: Hey, it's a true story. I don't need the third degree.

Leonard: Look, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift.

Mary Cooper: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: She broke up with me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly.
Sheldon: Well, I'll be okay. But I think I'd like to send the ring back to you.
Mary Cooper: Let's not be hasty. Are you sure it's over for good?
Sheldon: It's over for me. I'm done with women. Like when I swore off Pop Rocks, they both hurt you on purpose.

Leonard: And you promise you're okay with everything from the car?
Penny: Oh my God, Will you stop bringing it up?
Leonard: You're right. I'm sorry. We have the rest of our lives to dredge up stuff from the past and fight about it.

Sheldon: Is Penny crying?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Of course not. They thrive on our suffering.

Howard: I'm not saying anything bad. Just that she was in love with her captor and somehow managed to escape from his dark and crazy dungeon.

Amy: I just hope I did the right thing.
Stuart: I'm sure you did. Maybe that's the problem, you always do the right thing. Maybe it's time to do the wrong thing?
Amy: Like you're doing right now?
Stuart: Exactly.

Sheldon: You know, Amy, I don't understand. Are we broken up or not? It's like you can't make up your mind.
Amy: It's because you're not giving me any space to think.
Sheldon: Well, you should think fast. Because men can sire offspring their entire life, but those eggs you're toting around have a sell-by date.

Bernadette: What happened? They just got married.
Howard: I don't know. It's a mess. They had a huge fight in Vegas.
Bernadette: You think they'll break up?
Howard: I don't know. Sounds pretty bad. Penny's back in her apartment all by herself.
Stuart: Really?