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Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize you are currently in the mercy of your primitive biological urges. But, as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
Sheldon: But evolution is not opinion, it's a fact.
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion.
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.
Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation
Raj: I like the new look.
Howard: Thanks. I call it the Clooney.
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi but whatever.
Leonard: Would you please take that stupid hat off?
Howard: No, I want to blend in.
Raj: To what? Toy Story?
Sheldon: I don't know which artic expedition you guys were on, but I thought it was a hoot and a half.
Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.
Sheldon: No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
Wolowitz: I would like a slippery nipple.
Howard: (Southern Accent) If y'all don't mind, I got a hankering for a lone star beer.
Mary: There's no alcohol in this household, stop talking like that, and lose the hat.
Howard: Sorry, I'll take a diet yoo-hoo if you have one.
Mary: You'll take a Coke.
Howard: I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.
Raj: It's like a snowy nightmare from which there's no awakening.
Sheldon: If this is about the night the heat went out, there's nothing to be embarassed about.
Raj: It's not about that.
Howard: We agreed to never speak of it again.
Sheldon: So we slept together naked. It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.
Howard: He's speaking about it.
Raj: For me it was a bonding moment.
Leonard: When he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan. We were going to throw his Kindle outside, and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.
Sheldon: That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
Leonard: No, the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled-dog team and yell "Mush!"
Penny: When I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was gonna be named head cheerleader, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader, big old slutbag.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparible to a Nobel Prize?
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you ever truly believe that you were fit to be a cheer leader?
Sheldon: Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone. Even while seated.
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