Sheldon: Oh, look, they still have Far Side. Oh, I don't get that one.
Amy: Oh, he's pushing when he should be pulling.
Sheldon: Hmm. I don't think he belongs in that gifted school, then.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Howard: (singing) Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru, A giant stone ball with nothing to do,
Raj: But if you steal my idol, I will roll right over you
All: Cause I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist. Yeah, I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist,
Bert: I'm gonna crush you, I'm gonna mush you, You took my idol, I'm homicidal, Gonna roll over you till your brains come out, And your bones will crunch and your blood will spout! I'm not just a rock, baby. I'm a boulder.
All: Cause I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist. Yeah, I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist, Yeah, I'm six tons of granite-

Howard: What up, my Hebrews and She-brews?!

Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly. I have bad news. Mr. Watkins passed this morning.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
Mary Cooper: I know. What are the odds of that?
Sheldon: Call you back.