Raj: I honestly don't think that that qualifies as a discovery.
Penny: But I took the picture.
Raj: Because I told you to! Like, if a monkey took the picture, did it discover the comet?
Penny: Excuse me?!
Leonard: Uh, he didn't mean monkey.
Penny: Get the hell out of my apartment!
Leonard: And she didn't mean that. [Penny turns to Leonard] Actually, I think she did. You should go.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Stuart: Listen to this. I-I was ringing up a customer, and I heard someone say, "Hey, there's a line," and I looked, and there was.

Stuart: Oh, look at that. Neil Gaiman tweeted about my store!
Howard: What did he say? Uh, "Next time you're in Pasadena, check out The Comic Center. Great vibe, old school, the owner really knows his stuff." Isn't that amazing?
Sheldon: Well, uh, it's no Sandman, but I guess we can't expect everything he writes to be a masterpiece.

Sheldon: Can you see Mercury? Can you see it?
Raj: One second.
Amy: You know, the Greek version of Mercury, Hermes, was worshipped in Athens by the carving of giant wooden phalluses.
Sheldon: Please, Amy, get your mind out of the ancient Athenian gutter.