Bernadette: Howard doesn't make me do his shopping, or take him to the dentist, or pick up his dry cleaning, right?
Howard: Absolutely. But when Ma's hips give out, you're up, kid.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Leonard: You call that a glow stick? *Pulls out a Lightsaber* That is a glow stick!

Penny: Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?