Howard: (To Bernadette) A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Wil Wheaton: Game over, Moonpie.

Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say "Revenge is a dish best served cold" to me in Klingon?