Raj: I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends! Sadly, three of them are dead.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Raj: Okay, here we go. [to Leonard & Penny] Say cheese. [to Sheldon & Amy] Say cheese. [to Howard & Bernadette] Say cousin.

(Howard has just told Mary about his upcoming trip to the International Space Station.)
Mary Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you.
Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.

Mary Cooper: It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching. All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet. And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

Mary Cooper: I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.
Leonard: We don't say that either. I'll make you list.
Mary Cooper: Oh, that'd be mighty white of you.