Howard: You interested in Amy?
Stuart: Well, I mean she didn't look through me with soul-sucking ball-shriveling hatred and contempt. I like that in a woman.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.

Bernadette: I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny.