Sheldon: Now I know how the African slaves felt. Being dragged from their homes to labor under the yolk of the white man.
Amy: Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner at Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind?
Sheldon: Yes.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Penny: Howard, cow tipping - real or not?
Howard: I'm going to say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring.

Amy: It says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions were met: Were you unable to consummate the marriage?
Sheldon: Penny!? Ha! Next ...

Mike: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there?
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.
*Howard walks in*
Sheldon: And there's the clown that came out of her!