Sheldon: I'd like to offer a laudatory statement about Howard's many excellent qualities that I believe will tip the scales back in his favor. Howard Joewl Wolowitz. H is for honesty, of which he has much. O's for outstanding, which he is such. W's for witty, he's quick with a joke. A's for artistic, his ability-
Agent Page: I'm sorry, Dr. Cooper, this matter is already closed.
Sheldon: But I still have rd Joel Wolowitz to go.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Wolowitz: But you love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater.

Penny: OK Sheldon, what can I get ya?
Sheldon: Alcohol.
Penny: Could you be a little more specific?
Sheldon: Ethyl alcohol, 40 millilitres.

Penny: Sheldon, you can't re-program people.
Sheldon: No, you can't re-program people.