Sheldon: My catapult flings my bishop to Howard's Queen's Gorilla two.
Howard: Nice. Okay, rook to transporter pad. And he comes out at Leonard's Queen's Bishop five-and-a-third. Check on Leonard.
Leonard: Hang on. When is my pawn allowed to use the golf cart?
Sheldon: When it's done charging. Or you land on the time machine. Obviously.
Leonard: Oh, oh, Beekeeper to King 12. I capture your Pope and release the swarm. Checkmate on Sheldon.
Sheldon: I knew I should have given my Pope the jet pack.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Raj: She didn't even get to see my penis.

Sheldon: There's no need to interact with me. I'm just here to observe.

Penny: I'm sorry, shoes, but you have to go back.
Shoebox (Penny): But, Penny, we love you.
Penny: I love you, too, but you cost more than my rent.
Shoebox (Penny): But Penny, you look so good in us.
Penny: (To Amy) Damn it, the shoes are right!