Penny: Okay, uh, let's see. I'm from Nebraska, and ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of moving to L.A. and becoming a movie star. Anyway, after four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a hemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American?
Leonard: It's kind of a big deal.
Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule?

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Sheldon: Does anybody have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Sheldon: I know he (Spock) wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but oh goodie, oh goodie, oh goodie!