Penny: This is ridiculous. Why am I upset just because hes off having a good time?
Sheldon: Well, perhaps you're obsessively picturing him engaged in drunken coitus with another woman. Is that it? Did I get it right?
Penny: Okay, that- that's great. You can stop trying to make me feel better now.
Sheldon: Actually, I can't. Before Leonard left, he made me promise that I'd take care of you.
Penny: He did?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Oh, that's really sweet.
Sheldon: Plus, if I do a good job, he said he'd bring me back a Sailor's cap.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Amy: It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.

Sheldon: As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said, "I am a rock. I am an i.....sland".

Raj: Who died and made you the king of moments?