Raj: I'd like to apologize for being insensitive. And for possibly making penguins seem like jerks, because 99% of them are stand-up guys.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Raj: Okay, here we go. [to Leonard & Penny] Say cheese. [to Sheldon & Amy] Say cheese. [to Howard & Bernadette] Say cousin.

Amy: It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.

Sheldon: As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said, "I am a rock. I am an i.....sland".

Raj: Who died and made you the king of moments?