Raj: This is fun. I have never cleaned a toilet before.
Issabella: You're kidding.
Raj: No, I grew up with a house full of servants and now I have a cleaning lady ... who is a lovely woman who I have great respect for.
Issabella: It's okay, you're allowed to have a cleaning lady.
Raj: Oh, good, because she also walks my dog, buys my groceries and cuts my hair.
Issabella: I think that's called a mommy.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Bernadette: Still, I can't believe you can turn ordinary skin cells into functioning brain cells.
Amy: Well, I turned this one into a functioning boyfriend, so sky's the limit.

Raj: Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.
Penny: You're dating somebody! Who is it?
Raj: What? What are you talking about?
Penny: You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.

Raj: Maybe there are other things we have in common. Come dinner-time, do you enjoy eating food?