Penny: Yeah, lying isn't my favorite part of the job. Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of it.
Zack: Hey, if you're not happy there, I've been looking for a new head of sales at my company. And we don't sell drugs, just menus, so the only lie you'll be telling is we print on recycled paper. We don't.

Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won't blow up?
Leonard: The laser?
Zack: The moon.

Zack: Whoa, you dated Penny?
Leonard: She didn't tell you?
Zack: She told me she dated a guy named Leonard. Who would have thought it was you?
Leonard: Who else would it be?
Zack: I don't know. Somebody bigger and- Yeah, sure. Why not you?

Leonard: Don't worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.
Zack: Smart.
Leonard: Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.
Zack: (chuckling) Naked.

Sheldon: Physicist, baker, lover, what can't I do?

Penny: I didn't know you could drink while you were breastfeeding.
Bernadette: Yeah, they say the yeast in beer helps with milk production.
Amy: I'm pretty sure that's a myth. Let me check.
Bernadette: Ruin it for me, and I'll break this glass over your head.

Penny: You want food?
Bernadette: Yeah, breastfeeding burns, like, 5,000 calories a day. (To Amy) Do not touch that phone!