Raj: I'm always attracted to women I can't have. I do it all the time. I did the same thing with the two of you.
Amy: The two of them? I don't understand.
Raj: Well, uh, there was a time when I had a thing for Penny, and I thought she was into me, too, because she got drunk and naked and climbed into bed with me. But apparently I misread those signals.
Amy: And you liked Bernadette also?
Raj: That was before Penny. I make it a rule to only fall for one of my friends' girlfriends at a time. I'm very old-fashioned that way.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Sheldon: Fun? Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best-tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst-tasting jelly.