Big Bang Theory Quote 9403
Sheldon: I came to go over your alibi for last night.
Leonard: What alibi?
Sheldon: You've asked me to lie on your behalf, and as you know, I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonest, so I've provided you with an iron clad alibi. You couldn't have spent last night with Priya, because you were with another woman.
Leonard: Oh, I'm so sure I'm going to regret this, but, who was I with?
Sheldon: The fun loving, and morally loose, Miss Maggie McGeary.
Leonard: Oh, God.
Sheldon: You met her at Pasadena's most popular Irish watering hole, Lucky Baldwin's, where Maggie spends her nights tending bar, with a head full of curls and a heart full of dreams.
Leonard: (reading a napkin that Sheldon gave to him) Leonard, call me if you're interested in coitus. Sincerely, Maggie McGeary.
Sheldon: And if anyone were to actually call that number they will hear this. (Robotic voice with an Irish accent from Sheldon's phone) Top of the morning to you. You've reached Maggie McGeary. Leave a message after the wee little beep.
Sheldon: It's pretty convincing, huh? And it wasn't even a real person. And here is the clincher. A lock of Maggie's flaming auburn hair.
Leonard: Where did you get that?
Sheldon: From an orang-u-tan in the primate lab.
Leonard: An orang-u-tan?
Sheldon: Well, no-one's going to run a DNA test on it, Leonard, honestly you over-think everything.
Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
'The Irish Pub Formulation' Quotes
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.
Quote from Sheldon
Raj: Hands off my sister.
Sheldon: Why would I touch your sister? She's all covered in airplane germs.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: And to think, I was about to waste the last of my good haemorrhoid cream on you.