Raj: I want you to know, I did what you asked. I talked to Ruchi and found out what's going on at work.
Bernadette: So is she trying to steal my projects?
Raj: No, not trying to, sounds like it's a done deal. Here, have a brownie.
Bernadette: I'm gonna kill her.
Raj: Okay, don't take this out on Ruchi. Is she trying to take your job? Yes. Is she parking in your space? Yes.
Did she get a laugh at a meeting yesterday by calling you "Pregnadette"? Big one. But you would've done the exact same thing, and you know it.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Howard: Why would the military want Sheldon?
Leonard: I don't know. Target practice?

Barry Kripke: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't tell me we were doing this just to stick it to Sheldon.
Leonard: Well-
Barry Kripke: I messing with you. This sundae just got a cherry on top!

Sheldon: And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss, so he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out.