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Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Peanut Reaction

Sheldon: The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let's say that I go out and I spend 50 dollars on you. It's a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need. Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly and then you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday and so on, until one of us dies leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask you is, it worth it?

Quote from Penny in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Leonard: How was Nebraska?
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! [silence] I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Can you sing Soft Kitty?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.
Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it.
Sheldon: I'll teach you. [sings] "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr." Now you.
Penny: [sighs] [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Sheldon: Little ball of fur. Keep rubbing.
Penny: Little ball of fur.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Tangerine Factor

Leonard: What about if you went out with me?
Penny: Are you asking me out?
Leonard: Um, yes, I am, asking you out.
Penny: Wow.
Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...
Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally.
Leonard: ...thing and honestly, it's no big deal.
Penny: Yes.
Leonard: Yes what?
Penny: Yes, I will go out with you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?
Leonard: Yeah. That's the spirit.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Tangerine Factor

Leonard: Before you say anything, have you heard of Schrodinger's cat?
Penny: Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrodinger's cat.
Leonard: Good.
*Leonard and Penny kiss*
Penny: All right, the cat's alive. Let's go to dinner.

Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: Dr. Gablehouser, are you busy?
Dr. Gablehouser: Well, actually-
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, he's just doodlin'. Get in here.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Leonard: Sheldon, relax. She doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.
Sheldon: Oh, please. If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool-using and cave-painting, Homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

Wolowitz: Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I’d kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leslie: Uh, what are you doing?
Leonard: Just extending the intimacy. Do you want to slip over to the radiation lab and share a decontamination shower?
Leslie: Okay, uh, what exactly do you think's going on between us?
Leonard: I'm not sure, but I think I'm about to discover how the banana felt.

Quote from Leslie Winkle in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leslie: Listen, Leonard, neither of us are neuroscientists but we both understand the biochemistry of sex. I mean, dopamine in our brains is released across synapses causing pleasure. You stick electrodes in a rat's brain, give him an orgasm button, he'll push that thing until he starves to death.
Leonard: Who wouldn't?
Leslie: Well, the only difference between us and a rat is that you can't stick an electrode in our hypothalamus. That's where you come in.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it. So what happens now?
Leslie: Well, I don't know about your sex drive, but I'm probably good till New Years.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leonard: Well what did she mean by that? Was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
Sheldon: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
Leonard: Are you even listening to me?
Sheldon: Of course I'm listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leonard: Thank you. What did she mean, "she's happy for me"? Is she happy because I'm seeing someone or is she happy because she thinks that I'm happy? Because anyone who cared for someone would want them to be happy, even if the reason for their happiness made the first person unhappy. You know, because the second person, though happy, is now romantically unavailable to the first person.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Sheldon: Do you realise I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?
Leonard: You know what, I'm being ridiculous. Who cares what Penny thinks? Leslie is a terrific girl. She's attractive, we like each other, she's extremely intelligent.
Sheldon: She's not that intelligent.
Leonard: She fixed your equation.
Sheldon: She got lucky.
Leonard: You don't believe in luck.
Sheldon: I don't have to believe in it for her to be lucky.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Penny: So, do you know who's in there?
Sheldon: Well, there's Leonard. ... (Picking up violin case) And he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1930s gangster.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Penny: Alright, look, a tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't want to be disturbed because they’re, you know, getting busy.
Sheldon: So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there.
Penny: Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams.

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