Sheldon: I never joke about safety.

Leonard: Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.

Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."

Amy: I was proposing massaging your muscles with your own hands.
Sheldon: Still sounds like a lot of unnecessary touching.

Penny: So that means, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor and, Howard, you know a lot of doctors.

Raj: Can I bring girls here?
Leonard: You? Sure. Bring as many as you want.
Raj: Okay, deal.
Leonard: Just not against their will.

Dr. Koothrappali: We heard there was a tornado in Kansas City, is that close to you?
Priya: No.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny get your own Wi-Fi"; no spaces.

Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.

Leonard: What's going on?
Penny: Oh, hey, it's not what it looks like. *Leaving*
Sheldon: What does it look like?

Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Howard: I've been up all night. I had a fight with Bernadette.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: She bought me a nice watch.
Sheldon: Leonard, do you understand any of this?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Talk to him.

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Leonard: I live here.
Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.

Leonard: So, hot in India?
Dr. Koothrappali: Of course it is, it always is. It's India. Now, what do have to say for yourself?
Leonard: Uh, that is a beautiful tapestry.
(Raj's parents look back, Leonard closes laptop)