Amy: I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.
Sheldon: No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
Amy: In what way are you screwed?

Amy: I trust this clarification allows us to return to boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status.
Sheldon: Of course. Would you like to join me for Chinese food?
Amy: Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me.
Sheldon: My apologies. Good night, Amy.
Amy: Good night, Sheldon.

Leonard: Look, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Sheldon: I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!
Leonard: Me? Well, how am I supposed to fix it?
Sheldon: Simple! You want a girlfriend, Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
Leonard: That is insane.
Sheldon: You're right. It would never work. Amy finds you tedious.

Howard: Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake moustache. I mean, they may not really be geniuses, but they see right through that.

Howard: What's with the T-shirt? You working at the Apple store now?
Leonard: No, it's just something I threw on.
Howard: I know all your shirts. That's not one of them. You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you?
Leonard: Yeah. Turns out, they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Leonard: It was going well. I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in Safe Mode. The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the mall.

Leonard: Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?
Sheldon: As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.

Leonard: What are you working on?
Sheldon: I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me and compel me to meet her mother.
Leonard: Ah, you're going off the grid.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Leonard: The old Unabomber approach. Kudos.

Amy: From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard, you may be alone because your psychological state is causing an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation.

Amy: (via a webcam) May I offer an observation?
Leonard: What the hell? How long has she been here?
Sheldon: Since we got home from the comic bookstore.
Leonard: That was two hours ago.
Sheldon: As per your suggestion, we're hanging out. Quite frankly, I don't see what all the hoopla's about.

Amy: That was rude.
Sheldon: He does it all the time. He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness.
Amy: Cornucopia. What a mellifluous word.
Sheldon: Let's make that our word of the day.
Amy: Agreed. And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow.

Amy: I understand that some people find mates in social gathering places such as bars or taverns. Have you tried a bar or tavern?
Leonard: No, I'm not gonna try to pick up a woman in a bar.
Sheldon: Wise decision. You see, Amy, success at a bar is based on classic male attributes such as height, strength, attractiveness, the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts, separately or together. Leonard has none of these attributes, right, Leonard?
Leonard: Right.

Sheldon: Leonard? Are you sleeping?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you still depressed because you're alone, and no one loves you?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe.
Sheldon: I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned about your well-being.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome. But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot.

Leonard: So you're still just texting and emailing? You don't feel any need to hang out with her, you know, be in the same room?
Sheldon: Leonard, you are my best friend. I've known you for seven years, and I can barely tolerate sitting on the couch with you. Imagine my attitude regarding prolonged physical proximity to Amy Farrah Fowler.

Howard: (Cell phone rings) Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette. I assigned her her own ringtone, Bernadette by The Four Tops. Hello, Bernadette.
Raj: When I call him, his phone plays Brown Eyed Girl. Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.

Sheldon: What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Leonard: Hmm, recently? Not much.
Sheldon: Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?
Leonard: Um, shut up.