*Howard imitates Raj's drunken Bollywood Breakdance*
Raj: That's very offensive.
Howard: Yeah, we all thought so.

Leonard: All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent trying to make a decent Hulk movie, they could probably make an actual Hulk.

Sheldon: She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.
Penny: Wow. That's like the worst country song ever.

Howard: Women, you can't live with them. You can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
Sheldon: Amen to that.

*Sheldon spots Amy Farrah Fowler outside the apartment*
Sheldon: Oh dear... they really do be crazy.

Raj: Oh Leonard, you remind me of the funny old story of the man who walks into a Women's Correctional Facility with a stack of paperwork that would allow the female convicts to go free.
Leonard: You're saying I couldn't get laid in woman's prison with a handful of pardons.
Raj: Are you going to let me tell the story or not?

Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me.

Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: What does that mean?
Leonard: Well, you know how you're always saying Amy is a girl who is your friend but not your girlfriend?
Sheldon: Uh huh.
Leonard: Well, you can't say that any more.

Amy's Mom: It's nice to meet you too Sheldon, I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you, I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Amy's Mom: What?
Sheldon: Oh yes, We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt!
Amy's Mom: Amy? What is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother, well here he is! Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

Leonard: Have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.

Sheldon: You know it just occurred to me, if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of them there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Leonard: Probably. What's your point?
Sheldon: No point. It's just one of those things that makes one of the me's chuckle.

Raj: Ok, two words. Deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?
Raj: That's what she said.

Sheldon: She is a girl, who is a friend, but she is not, forgive me for doing this, (air quotes) "my girlfriend".

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Sheldon: I decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.
Penny: Oh, that's great. Have fun.
Sheldon: Wait, you have to drive me.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: You know I don't drive.
Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.
Sheldon: I did; he said, and I quote: "Ask Penny, it was her cockamamie idea."
Penny: Leonard said "cockamamie"?
Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamie".