Sheldon: I don't watch you twenty-four hours a day. I don't know what you do.

Leonard: Stuart's kind of interested in Amy.
Sheldon: Well of course he is. She's very interesting. Did you know, when she was 14 she severed the webbing between her own toes?

Leonard: Star Wars on Blu-ray.
Penny: Haven't you seen that movie like a thousand times?
Leonard: Not on Blu-ray. Only twice on Blu-ray.
Penny: Oh, Leonard.
Leonard: I know, it's high resolution sadness.

Wolowitz: I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Jr. so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers.

Howard: You can't do "Buzz." Buzz is taken.
Raj: Buzz Lightyear is not real.
Howard: No, that's not what I'm talking about.
Raj: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real?
Howard: No.

Sheldon: The need to find another human being to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I'm so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own.

Sheldon: Trust me, if I had a death ray I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.

Mary Cooper: When I was your age you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine.

Penny: Amy doesn't want a pocket watch.
Sheldon: Maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch.

Raj: I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends! Sadly, three of them are dead.

Sheldon: It's me, Mrs. Wolowitz.
Howard: That's not my mom, it's Bernadette.
Sheldon: Really? That's very unsettling.

Leonard: It turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Although, truth be told, my groin is a little worse for wear.
*Sheldon karate chops Leonard*
Leonard: Why did you do that?
Sheldon: To send a message: She is not for you!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Penny: And remember, he's more afraid of you than you are of him.
Sheldon: That doesn't help.
Penny: No, I was talking to the bird.

Amy: Her heart's full of love, no one cares what's in her mouth.

Lakshmi: I'm gay.
Raj: Like dude-on-dude but with women?