Sheldon: The vibration. We are directly underneath the geology lab, and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey, gravel monkeys, if you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!

Leonard: How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India?
Howard: Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy penis metaphors about my fiancee.
Raj: Screw you, that was a beautifully-written penis metaphor.

Amy: Now Sheldon, I know you're a left handed monkey wrench but you seriously have a mortal enemy
Sheldon: Yes, in fact I have 61. Would you like to see the list?

Amy: It's not for us to judge. We're just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done.

Raj: Whoa! What's your hurry, cowboy? Savor the moment.
*Raj and Howard slowly remove the plastic off Raj's new iPhone 4S*
Howard: Oh, yeah.

Leonard: What are you afraid of?
Penny: Well, what if we do go out and I do something stupid and dump you again.
Leonard: What if I dump you?
Penny: [Scoffs] Come on, be serious.

Howard: She (Siri) is gonna break his heart.

Leonard: Oh, great! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of the Village People.
Sheldon: You make that joke every three months and I still don't get it.

Bernadette: (Sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz) He wants butter!

Sheldon: You've got the brilliant Sheldon Cooper in your lab and are going to ask him to do the dishes? That's like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.

Sheldon: Rise and shine sleepy head, half the town probably is dead.

Amy: Sheldon I'm disappointed, as a brilliant man you're entitled to a vice. I could understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow man for sport, but this? Lame-o!
Sheldon: Well, A, comic books employ story telling through sequential art, a medium that dates back 17, 000 years to the cave paintings of Lascaux, and B, you play the harp. Like that's cool.

Wolowitz: My mother can be a pretty good shoulder to cry on. If the smell of Ben-Gay doesn't burn your eyes.

Sheldon: I want you to tell me that Howard is being mean to me for no reason.
Penny: Fine, Howard is being mean to you for no reason.
Sheldon: I knew it!

Raj: None of our gods have abs like that.
Howard: Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups. Look where it got him.