Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.

Wolowitz: (To Leonard) Did I just see you pick up a girl in a comic book store?
Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on the Wall of Heroes.

Sheldon: 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of sundae bars end in happiness.

Leonard: Too casual?
Sheldon: For an audience with the queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trash can, you look great.

Amy: We're playing doctor. Star Trek style.

Raj: I was so smooth on that date.
Howard: Dude, I made you smooth. You were an idiot.
Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might have been on your lips, but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Raj: Hey, want to spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. I kinda promised myself I'd get off the computer, be more physically active, get some exercise.
Howard: You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
Leonard: Good point. I'm in.

Sheldon: It took me a gallon of urine to get that water!

Sheldon: I am also a son of the Lone Star state. I'm Texas through and through. And we know how to settle scores down there. If you doubt me, just ask Mexico.

Sheldon: For example, this morning I was calculating the random motion of virtual particles in a vacuum, when suddenly the particles morphed into an image of Amy's dandruff gently cascading down onto her pale, slightly hunched shoulders. Oh, what has that vixen done to me, Leonard? And how do I make it stop?

Raj: Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.
Bernadette: Metrosexual, my ass.

Penny: Mrs Cooper, it smells so good.
Mary Cooper: You take notes, darling. The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He'll die at fifty, but his love will be true.

Mary Cooper: I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to coldcock him with my bible.

Mary Cooper: Hun, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with, is because you're letting them ride the roller-coaster without buying a ticket?

Howard: So this spring I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh my word. A trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you can read.