Howard: You should've seen the look on your face!
Sheldon: Oh, yes. The slightly widened eyes of mildly startled.

Raj: Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.
Bernadette: Metrosexual, my ass.

Mary Cooper: Hun, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with, is because you're letting them ride the roller-coaster without buying a ticket?

Howard: So this spring I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh my word. A trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you can read.

Mary Cooper: I am not abandoning you, Sheldon. Abandoning you is leaving you in a basket on a church doorstep. I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country.

Mary Cooper: I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to coldcock him with my bible.

Penny: Mrs Cooper, it smells so good.
Mary Cooper: You take notes, darling. The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He'll die at fifty, but his love will be true.

Sheldon: I am also a son of the Lone Star state. I'm Texas through and through. And we know how to settle scores down there. If you doubt me, just ask Mexico.

Bernadette: Who's Siri? Is he dating someone new?
Howard: Yes, his phone.
Bernadette: Is that cute? Or creepy?

Sheldon: If you're interested I can send you a link to a YouTube video that would show you how to perform your own rectal exam. Helpful hint: trim your nails first.

Sheldon: Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger's Friendship.

Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active Volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.

Leonard: Hmm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it.

Leonard: It's going to be difficult to find something you are both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you are both equally bad at?
Sheldon and Kripke: Sports.

Sheldon: Everyone knows that I'm our group's resident cut-up.