Amy: What about Supercuts?
Sheldon: I tried once. They do men and women's hair in the same room at the same time. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.

Sheldon: Hello Leonard, do you like my bongos?

Sheldon: Oh, dear. Mr D'Onofrio's in the hospital. Why do these things always happen to me?

Sheldon: I feel like a teen heartthrob.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Leonard: Sheldon, it's okay. He can do it. He's a barber.
Sheldon: He's not a barber, he's the nephew. He's an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.

Sheldon: Gotta run. (Looks down at scissors) But not with scissors, that would be unsafe.

Leonard: Please don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.

Leonard: Hang on, uh, uh, roommate agreement. Ha! Um, no hootenannies, sing-a-longs, or barbershop quartets after 10:00 p.m.

Penny: Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move out of your spot.
Sheldon: Why? My spot, your spot; what difference does it make?

Leonard: It's 3 in the morning!
Sheldon: 3 in the morning is a good time for bongos.
Leonard: I was sleeping!
Sheldon: Leonard sleep while I play bongos.
Leonard: No, I don't.
Sheldon: Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.

Althea: Can I help you?
Sheldon: Yes. Do you have something I could use as a cape?
Althea: Oh, dear. Did we spit out our pills, slip out of the ninth floor, and go on a little adventure?

Penny: All right, Sheldon, this craziness has gone on long enough. Please come home so I can cut your hair.
Sheldon: Penny, you're not trained. You're not licensed. Most importantly, you don't have access to my haircut records.
Penny: All right, honey, look, we've known each other for a long time now, right? I've taken you to Disneyland, I kicked a bully in the nuts for you, I sing you Soft Kitty when you're sick. You even saw me naked once.
Leonard: I'm sorry. Uh, what?
Penny: It was a long story. Anyway, Sheldon, I promise I know what I'm doing. Please let me cut your hair.

Wolowitz: I'm so dehydrated. My pee's like toothpaste.

Penny: Okay, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events.