Howard: It's the twenty first century, you can't have a duel.
Leonard: Hang on, Howard. Barry, how good of a shot are you?

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.

Penny: It's kind of heavy.
Bernadette: Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

Amy: Before I met you, I was a mousey wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown-hipster-party girl with a posse, a boyfriend and a new lace bra that hooks in the front, of all things!

Raj: I'm glad men are wearing hats again. They are so distinguished.

Penny: What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Leonard: It's going to be difficult to find something you are both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you are both equally bad at?
Sheldon and Kripke: Sports.

Howard: Why don't you just turn up the thermostat?
Sheldon: Aha! Good question. It turns out the thermostat for my new office isn't in my new office. No. It's next door in Professor Davenport's office, who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause.

Sheldon: Hey! He did that on purpose,
Leonard: No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose. Okay, uh, forget one-on-one. Let's try a free throw contest. First person who makes a basket wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Making it too easy there, Hofstadter.
Leonard: No. No, I'm not.

Sheldon: We're trying to think down here, you geode-loving feldspar jockeys!

Raj: How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock?
Barry Kripke: What the frig is that?
Sheldon: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors. All hail Sam Kass.

Sheldon: As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following: I will take Rothman's office... and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry Kripke: How about I take Rothman's office and you go suck a lemon?

Penny: I should have been honest with you and told you the gift was too much.
Amy: Yes, too much. Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical. I clearly like you more than you like me.
Penny: I don't think you can put a number on how much one person likes another.
Amy: I bought you a painting, that's 12 square feet in area. There's a number.
Penny: Amy, come on...
Amy: If you don't like feet, you can try dollars. The painting set me back three grand.

Penny: Okay, look, I didn't want to say this, but the real reason I took the painting down was because it made Bernadette very jealous.
Amy: Oh, my goodness, how could I have not seen that? The painting is a constant reminder that of the three of us, she is the least cool.

Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Mm, indeed.
Howard: So sad.
Sheldon: Dibs.