Season 5 Quotes Page 3 of 57
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Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua.
Amy: Will you listen to me play my harp now?
Sheldon: No. I dislike the sound of the harp. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I'm going to experience an episode from my past.
Sheldon: Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centers for Disease Control street team, these premises are condemned. (Penny tries to close the door) As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room.
Sheldon: You’re good friends with Penny, right?
Amy: Best friends, besties, BFFs, peas in a pod, sisters who would share traveling pants. Go on.
Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.
Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand.
Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got?
Howard: Hang on.
Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini.
Howard: Hand me the tuna melt.
Sheldon: I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.
Penny: It's great, isn't it?
Sheldon: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name.
Penny: What name?
Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It’s a health hazard.
Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.
Penny: Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there.
Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That's reassuring.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.
Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce.
Sheldon: Good. On the way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies.
Leonard: Listen, I don't want to be rude, but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so...
Sheldon: Oh, yes, Priya. Leonard, you know I make a point of never interfering in your personal affairs.
Leonard: Yes, I've always admired that about you.
Sheldon: As well you should. But I'm going to make an exception here.
Leonard: Oh, good.
Sheldon: Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. Instead of desperately trying to keep this intercontinental relationship alive, you could use that time to take up a hobby.
Leonard: A hobby?
Sheldon: Yes. I read recently about a fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine. I bet you could give him a run for his money.
Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different?
Sheldon: Don't you like Amy?
Leonard: Of course I like Amy.
Sheldon: Well, there's the difference.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date.
Sheldon: It’s eight o'clock in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner?
Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast.
Sheldon: All right, so technically it's not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you'd open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, "Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?"
Leonard: That doesn't sound like mocking.
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. Dinfast (rolls eyes).
Sheldon: Are those soy-based candles?
Leonard: I don't know. Why?
Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens. Unless lung cancer is the ambiance you were going for at your dinfast. Dinfast (rolls eyes).
Raj: What's your mom going to say if you call off the wedding?
Howard: Huh, it'll kill her. On the other hand, if I don't give her grandchildren, that'll kill her, too. So, either way, on the Mom front, I'm golden.
Sheldon: What time did you tell Amy to be here?
Penny: Eight o'clock. (Sheldon checks his pocket watch) Sheldon, that pocket watch is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Nonsense. I look like a train conductor.
Sheldon: Under what pretext did you lure her here?
Penny: I said, hey, want to come over and hang out?
Sheldon: Good, good, if you had said something clever, she might've gotten suspicious.