Raj: I think back to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. I told him I'm addicted to pedicures and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin.
Howard: She was my second cousin.
Sheldon: And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Ba-da-bazinga!
Raj: Oh, oh, yeah, and then there was the time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and that she wanted his little kosher pickle. Of all the Howard humping hookers stories, that one's my favorite!

Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.

Howard: Thank you for picking us up. There's a warning, right there, on the Scotch bottle. "You cannot be operatin heavy machinery after you had a snootful of this, laddie!"

Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I can walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Three-way.
Howard: Bernadette, listen...
Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!
Raj: Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat-roll into the street.

Bernadette: I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple of weeks and I'm not sure I even know who the man is any more.
Amy: I'm curious what's bothering you most, the borderline incest, the prostitute or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon?
Penny: Amy, remember when we went over things that would be helpful and things that wouldn't?
Amy: Right. And that was...
Penny: Not.

Bernadette: When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me, just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother.
Penny: Well, if that's what you like, I'll take you to the comic book store, the place is full of 'em.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.

Bernadette: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. Then, when it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there, this is really on you.

Howard: I don't know what my next move is.
Leonard: Well, Howard, I don't know much about women.
Howard: Yeah?
Leonard: No, uh, that, that's it. I don't know much about women.

Penny: Please come out, Bernadette. Let's talk through this.
Bernadette: No, leave me alone.
Amy: Perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you have a cousin who you find attractive?
Penny: Amy!
Amy: Hey, you introduced him to the sleaze bag. I'm just trying to clean up your mess.

Penny: Oh, my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.

Leonard: I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.

Sheldon: Leonard, these rental tuxedos have been worn by hundreds of sweaty strangers. I don't like my own sweat touching my skin. How do you think I feel about theirs?

Raj: Well, that wasn't as entertaining as when he rents bowling shoes, but it was right up there.

Sheldon: I must say, I was surprised you chose to spend our date night in your apartment. As I mentioned, the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times. And later, the LEGO store is having a midnight madness sale. You ask anyone, that's a hot date.