Bernadette: Why do you think he asked you out again?
Penny: I don't know.
Amy: Maybe he's dying. That would be so romantic.
Penny: He's not dying.
Amy: Too bad. If he were, she could just throw him in bed and ride him right up until he flatlines.

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.

Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.