Popular Quotes Page 557 of 614
Sheldon: Now, sit down. I call your attention to the events of November 16. Do you remember that date?
Penny: (reading the transcript Sheldon prepared) Darn tootin', I do, if the court will excuse my homespun, corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase.
Sheldon: Excellent. Go on.
Penny: The reason that date is, like, so totally fixed in my memory is that I had the privilege to be witness to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever.
Sheldon: And who performed that heroic act?
Penny: Why, you did, sir. You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and may I add, it is a privilege to know you.
Sheldon: There's no need for compliments, this court is only interested in the facts.
Penny: But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. Totally. A teardrop rolls down my cheek?
Sheldon: Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat would work just as well.
Penny: (feigning sadness) But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. Totally.
Sheldon: Maybe you should put on your Juicy pants again.
Sheldon: Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs. I will demonstrate that I was improperly instructed in driving by a woman whose lack of respect for society borders on the sociopathic. I will argue that the emergency met the legal doctrine of quod est necessarium est licitum, that which is necessary is legal. But first, I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue. I'm unable to confront my accuser, a non-human entity, to wit, a camera. So, to sum up, improper instruction, quod est necessarium est licitum, Sixth Amendment. My milk stool is complete.
Quote from the episode The Excelsior Acquisition
Sheldon: Thank you.
Judge: Guilty. Pay the cashier.
Sheldon: I object. You're completely ignoring the law.
Judge: No, I'm following the law. I'm ignoring you.
Sheldon: I am a scientist. I never apologize for the truth.
Penny: We're home.
Leonard: Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
Sheldon: You know very well how it went.
Leonard: Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.
Sheldon: I was found guilty and fined $533.
Penny: I'm going to write you a check for that. As long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it, like the others.
Sheldon: I also now have three points on a driver's license I do not yet possess, and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology, simply because I refuse to urinate in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.
Howard: Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.
Leonard: Okay, that's enough, Howard. The poor guy's had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
Howard: You're right, so it would be cruel to mention that after he finished signing autographs, Stan Lee took Stuart and us out for gelato.
Sheldon: You had gelato with Stan Lee?
Howard: He said we could call him Stan.
Leonard: Except for Raj.
Sheldon: Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny. You are responsible for all the evil that has befallen me today.
Penny: Okay, I realize that-
Sheldon: Not finished. It is because of you that I now have a criminal record, and it is because of you that I missed out on having gelato with Stan Lee.
Penny: Okay, maybe youll have another chance to have-
Sheldon: No, no. I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on!
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Penny. Wow. Hi.
Penny: What's going on?
Stuart: Nothing. I'm just getting ready to close up and head out.
Penny: Ah. Cool. Got any fun plans?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
Penny: Oh, nice.
Stuart: Not even my cat. I just feed it. Some nights it doesn't even show up.
Sheldon: This is Stan Lee's front door. We were on Stan Lee's curb, then we were on Stan Lee's walk, and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell. At Stan Lee's house. We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
Penny: Okay, sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna have cookies, or he's just gonna say hi, or really what's gonna happen, so just let me talk...
Howard: I understand your point, but given a choice Jews always go with Chinese food.
Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue.
My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this, then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the moon?
Leonard: We're going to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider. And ski. We'll also go skiing.
Penny: We're going skiing in Switzerland?
Leonard: Well, you'll ski, I'll fall. But yeah, we will be in Switzerland for Valentine's Day.
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: Yeah. We also put in what happens if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant, or if one of us gets superpowers, or if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me, even if I turn.
Howard: That's not true. My happiness is not dependent on my best friend being miserable and alone.
Raj: Thank you.
Howard: Although, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a perk.
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