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Quote from Howard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Marty: Hello.
Howard: Hey, Marty. Thanks for talking to us.
Marty: Hey, no problem. Thanks for going to outer space so no matter what I do my mom will be disappointed in me.
Howard: Well, I married a little Catholic girl, so we're even.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Howard: Do you have any advice for us?
Marty: Well, I don't know much about patent law. But, uh, my advice is: hear them out, offer as little information as possible, and whatever you do, don't sign anything.
Sheldon: "Don't sign anything"? That's your advice? Okay, so, uh, if during this meeting, one of us were to, say, complete an oil painting, you'd recommend that we leave that unsigned?
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: That's what you said.
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: This must be how you practice law in Boca Raton, by saying things you don't mean and meaning things you don't say.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Bernadette: I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I don't want to get sent back to square one because I'm pregnant.
Amy: I understand how you feel.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Amy: I wish there were some way I could make it better.
Bernadette: Well, you brought me French fries. That's a start.
Amy: Uh, actually, I got you apple slices 'cause you're pregnant.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard's mad at me, so I'm making him lemon bars.
Penny: Does he even like lemon bars?
Sheldon: Not really. But I'm mad at him, too, so lemon bars it is.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Penny: You threatened to sue?
Bernadette: Hey, I learned a long time ago, when you're four feet eleven and eye level with every guy's crotch, that's where you punch.
Penny: That's funny. I learned something totally different.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Penny: Okay, Beverly, aren't you overreacting a little? All we know is they shared a cab and had a nightcap.
Sheldon: And turned their phones off.
Leonard: Not helping, buddy!

Quote from Howard in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Bernadette: It didn't help that you couldn't walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.
Howard: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Susan: Well, fine, if everyone wants to make jokes about our problems, then I can, too. Knock, knock.
Who's there? Our family is an embarrassment.
Randall: That's not much of a joke.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Sheldon: Hang on, hang on! We're smart, we can figure this out. Okay, so: Mary and Beverly can't be together. Uh, Alfred and Beverly can't be together. Leonard and I can't be together. Now, I could be with Alfred but I don't like his face.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Susan: Oh, Leonard! It's so nice to see you again!
Leonard: Oh, you, too! Hey, everyone, this is my mother, Beverly.
Beverly: Hello.
Susan: Hi.
Randall: We are not white trash!

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Amy: Are you excited to see your son walk down the aisle?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes, I am. I'm just feeling a little guilty about all the trouble I've caused.
Mary Cooper: Oh, so am I.
Sheldon: You made God sad today, Mom.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Howard: Why wouldn't that colonel say what the meeting's about? It has to be bad news.
Raj: Calm down, okay? Try not to think about it.
Howard: That's really stupid advice.
Raj: You know that hurts my feelings.
Howard: Calm down, try not to think about it.
Raj: (upbeat) Okay.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Leonard: Can I get anyone a drink?
Wyatt: Well, I could use another beer.
Susan: (loudly) You're done! (softly) He's done.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Positive Negative Reaction

Raj: Groundbreaking revelations, tropical drinks. Tell me this isn't like the best episode of Sex and the City.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Positive Negative Reaction

Bernadette: We were out one night, and things got a little spontaneous.
Amy: Oh, that sounds juicy.
Bernadette: Well, Sheldon was going on and on about time zones and railroad schedules, and I went out-
Penny: Wait, I remember that. Hang on. You did it at our place?
Bernadette: Kind of on Sheldon's bed.
Amy: What?!
Penny: No!
Bernadette: I was headed to the bathroom, and I passed Howie on his way out. Usually he says, "Do not go in there," but this time he said, "Hey, let's go in here."

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