Howard: Do you have any advice for us?
Marty: Well, I don't know much about patent law. But, uh, my advice is: hear them out, offer as little information as possible, and whatever you do, don't sign anything.
Sheldon: "Don't sign anything"? That's your advice? Okay, so, uh, if during this meeting, one of us were to, say, complete an oil painting, you'd recommend that we leave that unsigned?
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: That's what you said.
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: This must be how you practice law in Boca Raton, by saying things you don't mean and meaning things you don't say.

Bernadette: I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I don't want to get sent back to square one because I'm pregnant.
Amy: I understand how you feel.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Amy: I wish there were some way I could make it better.
Bernadette: Well, you brought me French fries. That's a start.
Amy: Uh, actually, I got you apple slices 'cause you're pregnant.

Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard's mad at me, so I'm making him lemon bars.
Penny: Does he even like lemon bars?
Sheldon: Not really. But I'm mad at him, too, so lemon bars it is.

Penny: Okay, Beverly, aren't you overreacting a little? All we know is they shared a cab and had a nightcap.
Sheldon: And turned their phones off.
Leonard: Not helping, buddy!

Bernadette: It didn't help that you couldn't walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.
Howard: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.

Susan: Well, fine, if everyone wants to make jokes about our problems, then I can, too. Knock, knock.
Who's there? Our family is an embarrassment.
Randall: That's not much of a joke.

Sheldon: Hang on, hang on! We're smart, we can figure this out. Okay, so: Mary and Beverly can't be together. Uh, Alfred and Beverly can't be together. Leonard and I can't be together. Now, I could be with Alfred but I don't like his face.

Susan: Oh, Leonard! It's so nice to see you again!
Leonard: Oh, you, too! Hey, everyone, this is my mother, Beverly.
Beverly: Hello.
Susan: Hi.
Randall: We are not white trash!

Amy: Are you excited to see your son walk down the aisle?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes, I am. I'm just feeling a little guilty about all the trouble I've caused.
Mary Cooper: Oh, so am I.
Sheldon: You made God sad today, Mom.

Howard: Why wouldn't that colonel say what the meeting's about? It has to be bad news.
Raj: Calm down, okay? Try not to think about it.
Howard: That's really stupid advice.
Raj: You know that hurts my feelings.
Howard: Calm down, try not to think about it.
Raj: (upbeat) Okay.

Leonard: Can I get anyone a drink?
Wyatt: Well, I could use another beer.
Susan: (loudly) You're done! (softly) He's done.

Penny: All right, how are we gonna play this when they return?
Raj: I know. You guys should totally be making out with me.
Penny: Sweetie, I know you think jokes like that are funny, but do you really think you could handle making out with both of us? (Penny gets close to Raj)
Raj: No, ma'am.

Raj: Groundbreaking revelations, tropical drinks. Tell me this isn't like the best episode of Sex and the City.

Bernadette: We were out one night, and things got a little spontaneous.
Amy: Oh, that sounds juicy.
Bernadette: Well, Sheldon was going on and on about time zones and railroad schedules, and I went out-
Penny: Wait, I remember that. Hang on. You did it at our place?
Bernadette: Kind of on Sheldon's bed.
Amy: What?!
Penny: No!
Bernadette: I was headed to the bathroom, and I passed Howie on his way out. Usually he says, "Do not go in there," but this time he said, "Hey, let's go in here."

Leonard: Hi.
Penny: Hey, how'd it go?
Leonard: Oh, great. Dr. Gallo is terrific. You know, I-I've always been insecure that no one cares about what I have to say, but she made me see-
Penny: Yeah, no one cares. Did you help me out or not?