Penny: "So instead she asked if in the future Montana ever became a state."
Amy: Hey, in the 1800s that was considered flirting.

Leonard: You make a lot of sense. I like this table and I'm getting it.
Penny: Really, this one?
Leonard: That one.
*Penny nods*
Leonard: Damn right I like that one.

Penny: I'm gonna kill her.
Bernadette: Im sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.
Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.

Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.

Bernadette: Why do you think he asked you out again?
Penny: I don't know.
Amy: Maybe he's dying. That would be so romantic.
Penny: He's not dying.
Amy: Too bad. If he were, she could just throw him in bed and ride him right up until he flatlines.

Leonard: You okay?
Amy: Yeah, yeah. I'm just breaking in some new shoes.
Leonard: Very pretty.
Amy: Thank you. Did you know that women wear high heels to make the buttocks and breasts more prominent?
Leonard: Hadn't really thought about it.
Amy: Look.
Leonard: Uh, sure. Very ... prominent.
Amy: Please, Leonard, don't leer. You have a girlfriend.

Raj: Oh, my goodness, look at this room! Champagne! Roses! Oh and little chocolates! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever.
Leonard: Yeah, I forgot about all this.
Raj: But I never will.

Sheldon: Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his attitude, or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements or his feelings about little marshmallows.

Barry Kripke: Are you crazy? This is a street fight. The street has no rules.

Sheldon: Point of inquiry, why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon!

Penny: Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you. What do you need?
Sheldon: Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.
Penny: Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths and definitely no enemas.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Sheldon: I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioral aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.
Leonard: What are you talking about? It's fine. She bought it. It's over.
Sheldon: Sadly, it's not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realized that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child.
Leonard: There is no Leo. How can you say that?
Sheldon: You didn't read the bio, did you? He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab.
Leonard: I've got a solution.
Sheldon: Great, what is it?
Leonard: Get out.

Stuart: If you still want to hang out as friends, I'd like that.
Ruchi: Thanks, Stuart. I'd like that, too.
Stuart: And the fungus is under the toenail.

Sheldon: Yeah, I like the name Elliott. That wasn't on my list, but I like it.
Raj: We've heard your names. They're ridiculous. And I have a cousin named Dilip.

Dr. Koothrappali: I, too, was in a relationship with someone who made me feel bad about myself.
Raj: If you're talking about Mom, I don't want to hear it.
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm just saying, if you replace Howard with a nice 22-year-old grad student, your self-confidence will soar.