Quotes from ‘The Pancake Batter Anomaly’

The Pancake Batter Anomaly

The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Season 1, Episode 11 - Aired March 31, 2008

When Sheldon catches the flu, Leonard flees the apartment to avoid having to care for a needy Sheldon. After Sheldon turns up at the Cheesecake Factory, Penny is left to care of him.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Quote from Howard

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma! I hear the phone!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly hour!
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup!
Howard: (Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Then call your own mother.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr, Purr, Purr.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: (To Howard and Raj) Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: (On the phone to Penny) Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard: (to Howard & Raj) He is paranoid and he has established a nest.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, you are not sick. This is, but you are not.
Sheldon: We have no idea what pathogens Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska, I'm certain I have no corn-husking antibodies.
Leonard: Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?
Sheldon: When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these gelatin cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance.
*Sheldon holds a Q-tip toward his mouth for Leonard to swab*

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Machtest du ein Darm sputum?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: Take your stinking paws off my popcorn, you damn dirty ape.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Clearly febrile delirium is setting in. Please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Who's on the phone?
Howard: It's Leonard.
Mrs. Wolowitz Why is he calling?
Howard: Sheldon's sick.
Mrs. Wolowitz Were you playing with him?
Howard: For God's sake ma, I'm twenty six years old.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well excuse me Mr. Grown-up. Whadda ya want for breakfast?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (blows nose into tissue, shows family sitting at nearby table) Would you call that moss green or forest green?

Quote from Leonard

Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard: I'm thinking.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What kind of sick?
Penny: Oh, the flu, I guess.
Sheldon: I don't need you to guess, I need you to know. Now, when did the symptoms first appear?
Penny: Maybe Friday!
Sheldon: Friday! Was that morning or afternoon?
Penny: I don't--
Sheldon: Think, woman! Who blew their nose and when?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, relax. She doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.
Sheldon: Oh, please. If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool-using and cave-painting, Homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, as I predicted, I am sick. My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2am, and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.
Leonard: No kidding?
Sheldon: No. Not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.
Leonard: Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
Sheldon: What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionised plasma?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: How was Nebraska?
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What the hell are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm making petri dishes to grow throat cultures.
Leonard: With lime jello?
Sheldon: I need a growth medium, and someone polished off the apricot yogurt. Here, swab my throat.

Quote from Howard

Howard: It was Sheldon.
Leonard: I tried to stop you.
Howard: It's my own fault. I forgot the protocol we put in place after the great ear infection of '06.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sick, thank you very much.
Penny: How could you have gotten it from me? I'm not sick.
Sheldon: You're a carrier. All these people here are doomed. You're doomed!

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Okay, what kind of soup do you want?
Sheldon: Well, my mother used to make me this split pea with little frankfurter slices and these home made croûtons.
Penny: We have Chicken Tortilla and Potato Leek.
Sheldon: Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and home made croûtons?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Then surprise me.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, you are a grown man, haven't you ever been sick before?
Sheldon: Well, of course, but, not by myself.
Penny: Really, never?
Sheldon: Well, once. When I was fifteen, and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.
Penny: Studying abroad?
Sheldon: No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: And there was no-one there to take care of you?
Sheldon: No. No, my mum had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.
Penny: Again?
Sheldon: It was tornado season. And it was an aluminum house.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Well if you leave now, you can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.
Howard: Unless Sheldon's there, in which case you'll be trapped forever in his whiny hyper neurotic snot-web.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Alright, you're close enough to Sheldon's room, deploy the sensor. Now turn it on.
Leonard: It wasn't on?
Howard: No.
Leonard: Then why did I have to crawl?
Howard: Oh, I guess you didn't.
Leonard: Okay, it's on.
Howard: Good. From this point forward you will have to crawl.
Leonard: I know!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
Leonard: I don't think Penny’s ever coming here again.
Sheldon: I'm very congested.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: Can you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labeled mucus.
Leonard: If I stand, I'll vomit.
Sheldon: Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Sing me Soft Kitty?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Is that a dog?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: In the lab?
Leonard: Yes. They're training dogs to operate the centrifuge for when they need dogs to operate the centrifuge for blind scientists, I have to go.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: There's a Planet of the Apes marathon at the New Art today.
Leonard: Five movies, two hours apiece. It's a start.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I want soup.
Penny: Why didn't you just ... Why didn't you just have soup at home?
Sheldon: Penny, I have an IQ of 187. Don't you imagine that if there were a way for me to have had soup at home I would have thought of it?
Penny: You can have soup delivered.
Sheldon: I did not think of that.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you. What do you need?
Sheldon: Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.
Penny: Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths and definitely no enemas.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wait. Will you please rub this on my chest.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?
Sheldon: Vaporub makes my hands smell funny.
Penny: But Sheldon-
Sheldon: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Penny: I can't believe I'm doing this.
Sheldon: No, no, counter-clockwise or my chest hair mats.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.
Leonard: Well, I had to, you see what he's like.
Sheldon: Penny! Penny, I'm hungry.
Penny: Uh, it's okay, sweetie. Good news, Leonard's home!
Leonard: No!