Sheldon: Mailman's here!
Leonard: Aw, remember when he used to get that excited to see us?

Raj: What is so exciting?
Sheldon: It's a letter from Dr. Wolcott. We've been corresponding about my string theory research.
Leonard: Wait. Robert Wolcott? Like Wolcott's Theorem Wolcott?
Sheldon: The very same.
Raj: Didn't he go crazy and cut off all contact with people?
Howard: Yeah, he was driven mad by a friend who kept wanting to talk about the Hulk's car insurance!

Amy: Leonard, you are not letting Sheldon go alone this weekend.
Sheldon: I am a grown man. I don't need somebody to chaperone me. I just need him to drop me off, pick me up, and pack me a sack lunch.

Bernadette: Amy can't take him, it's her bachelorette party this weekend.
Amy: Yes, it is, because (excitedly) I'm getting married!
Penny: Are you gonna be doing that all weekend?
Amy: Yes. Do you know why?
Penny: (excitedly) Because you're getting married!

Amy: Leonard, you cannot drop him off. You have to stay with him and keep him safe.
Bernadette: Howard, you have to go and keep Leonard safe.
Raj: Fine. I get it, and you want me to go and keep Howard safe.
Howard: Actually, I-
Bernadette: Uh, just say yes, or he's gonna want to come to the bachelorette party.

Amy: Well, I wish I could say none of that is gonna happen, but Penny is planning it, and she is the reason I own those underwear with writing across the butt.

Sheldon: Well, just be careful, and use protection.
Amy: What do you think is gonna happen?
Sheldon: I don't know. But it's going to be sunny, and you burn easily.

Amy: Okay, now, I promised Sheldon things weren't gonna get too crazy tonight. Should I be worried?
Penny: Oh, just about who you're marrying.

Amy: My bachelorette party's a quilting bee! (forced chuckle)
Bernadette: Isn't it perfect?
Penny: Yeah, instead of oiled-up strippers and sex toys, we thought: what does Amy like?
Amy: (unenthusiastically) Amy likes the quilting bee.

Raj: Well, this place is creepy.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Well, did you see his vegetable garden? Heirloom tomatoes in April. Creepy.

Doctor Wolcott: Dr. Cooper. Uh, who are these people?
Sheldon: Oh, these are my friends. I wrote about them in my letter.
Doctor Wolcott: Oh, letter? I didn't get a letter.
Sheldon: Well, that's because I just sent it this morning, you know? So score one for linear time.

Sheldon: Oh, um, no offense, Dr. Wolcott, but I'm not sure this makes any sense.
Doctor Wolcott: That's because I've written it all backwards.
Sheldon: Wow. That's "wow" backwards.

Sheldon: Hmm. I still don't get it.
Doctor Wolcott: Well, plus the numbers are letters and the letters are numbers.
Sheldon: Oh. I love him!

Amy: So you thought that I would like quilting?
Penny: Well, don't you?
Amy: Of course I like quilting! It's the slowest way to make a blanket! But this is my bachelorette party! It's supposed to be fun and wild and full of bad decisions.

Bernadette: Come on, let's go somewhere we can do body shots off shirtless bartenders.
Penny: Yes.
Amy: I don't know. That might be too much.
Penny: All right, you know what, why don't we stay home, have a little wine?
Amy: What are you not getting about this?!