Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Penny: Look, can we just forget about this extra stuff and can you just tell me what Leonard does?
Sheldon: Alright. Leonard is attempting to learn why subatomic particles move the way they do.
Penny: Really? That's it? Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.
Sheldon: It's not. That's why Leonard does it.

Howard: Hey, ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket.
Howard: Please? I got a real hankering.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, I can't say no to my little tushie face. I'll be back soon.

Bernadette: Come here, tushie face.
Leonard: Tushie face! That is going on twitter right now.

Howard: Hope you don't mind, I told my girlfriend, Bernadette, she can join us for dinner.
Leonard: Sure, the more the merrier.
Sheldon: Wait, no. That's a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there was 2000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.

Howard: Wazzup, my nerdizzles?

Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.
Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.
Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual car, you can't drive.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a genie who grants wishes to little boys who sucks at MarioKart.

Sheldon: Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?
Penny: Hey, you don't have to be so mean.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, (smiling) have you suffered a recent blow to the head?

Leonard: Howard, relax. I am not interested in your girlfriend.
Howard: I hope not. Because you don't wanna mess with me. *Gets in Leonard's face* I'm crazy.

Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Sheldon: (Dictating) Research Journal, Entry One. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career: teaching Penny physics.! I'm calling it "Project Gorilla".

Penny: Hay Leonard, check this out. * Throws won-ton in the air and catches it in her mouth *
Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again.
Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.
Sheldon: No, it upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers with out guard of equitable distribution. * Turns to Raj * This is essentially why you have famine in India.
Penny: You want me to put it back? *Said with mouth full of food *
Sheldon: Leonard!
Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Bernadette: This isn't a nonfat yogurt, this is fatty-fat-fat!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur?
Howard: Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew.
Mrs. Wolowitz: You're right. When you're right, you're right. What if they're out of the Le Seur?
Howard: Then get the regular!
Mrs. Wolowitz: All right, you don't have to yell.

Sheldon: Mom was right, hell is real.

Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful, where did you get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga! I don't care.

Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Leonard: (to Penny) It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: Um, I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests.

Howard: Bernadette say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles.

Sheldon: No, fig newtons are named after the town in Massachusetts, not the scientist. Hey, don't write that down.

Mrs. Wolowitz Senior fitness was canceled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpoolian eat gravel.
Howard: That's great, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?

Howard: Just giving the lady the old tour of the salt mines.
Bernadette: (Giggling) He doesn't mean salt mines , he means where he works.

Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for 2600 years!

Sheldon: Koko learned to understands over 2000 words, not one of which had anything to do with shoes.

Howard: It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?