Howard: Oh, come on. So you were the victim of a crime. That's part of life. When my great-grandfather first came to this country, he put all his hopes and dreams into this little butcher shop he ran on the Lower East Side of New York. You know what happened? Every customer who walked into that butcher shop and asked for a pound of liver, got ripped off. But, those people moved on, and so should you.

Sheldon: When does the C.S.I. team get here? Policeman: What? Sheldon: In anticipation of their arrival, I've bagged some evidence. One of the thieves had the audacity to quench his thirst while ransacking our home. You should be able to pull some good prints off this. And now, here are my prints so you can rule me out as a suspect. Leonard: What about me? Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard. It's too early to discount the possibility of this being an inside job.

Sheldon: Like Enid, Oklahoma. Low crime rate and high-speed Internet connectivity, but no model train shops. Sorry, Enid.

Leonard: Would I be completely out of line to ask for you to shoot him?
Police Officer: I'd be happy to put him under a 72-hour psychiatric hold.
Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.

Penny: is he quitting his job at the university?
Leonard: Oh no, he's going to telecommute. Everybody's really excited about it.

Sheldon: In the meantime, please forward my mail.
Leonard: Any place specific or just the Bozeman, Montana Loony Bin?
Sheldon: I sense you're making a joke, but Bozeman does have a comedy club called The Loony Bin, so do not forward my mail there.

Sheldon: I'm going to be a Bozite.
Leonard: They call themselves Bozites?
Sheldon: They should. It's one of the first thing I plan to bring up upon arrival.

Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys.
Raj: Oh, God. Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I'm not jealous. All right, I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid. Now, can we order?

Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, they re-did the menu.
Leonard: So what? It's the same food.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? Look at this. General Tso's Chicken is no longer listed under specialties. It's now under chicken.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: Yes, General Tso.
Raj: Not Tso the chicken, so the question. So?
Sheldon: So, why is it no longer a specialty? Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself?

Leonard: You know what? Let's just get a pizza.
Sheldon: Good idea. We'll go to Corleone's.
Howard: Sure, no mobsters there.

Policeman: We're done here. Call this number, and w'll fax you a copy of the report so you can submit it to your insurance company.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that's the end of your inquiry?
Policeman: Do you have any more information that might be relevant?
Sheldon: Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five Gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem.
Leonard: How is that going to help them?
Sheldon: Well, they could monitor scientific publications and see if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next couple of months. If so, the authors are most likely in possession of my stolen laptop.

Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Leonard: Does that mean you've ruled me out as a suspect?
Sheldon: Oh, how I wish I could.

Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don't think the two of youd be comfortable on the couch.

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: It's not what I want, it's what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.
Leonard: But you don't like other people.
Sheldon: I do tonight. It's scary over there.
Leonard: It's getting scary here, too.

Penny: Umm. Three little kittens? Three little pigs? God, I don't know. Star Wars?
Leonard: Did we win? Can we go to bed?
Sheldon: Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H. Plus, pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that?
Leonard: He's right, Penny. It's all there.