Amy: If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.

Sheldon: Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.

Penny: Really? On top of everything, you're afraid of birds?
Sheldon: Its called ornithophobia and someday it will be recognized as a true disability, and the landlord will be required by law to put a giant net over the building. Which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets.

Raj: Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.
Howard: I'm pushing play. I mean it. If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.

Leonard: I'm going to the movies with Penny. I don't want her to think I think it's a date.
Sheldon: Do you think it's a date?
Leonard: No, but she might think I think it's a date even though I don't.
Sheldon: Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't.
Leonard: Are we over thinking this?
Sheldon: Not at all.

Leonard: Star Wars on Blu-ray.
Penny: Haven't you seen that movie like a thousand times?
Leonard: Not on Blu-ray. Only twice on Blu-ray.
Penny: Oh, Leonard.
Leonard: I know, it's high resolution sadness.

Sheldon: Trust me, if I had a death ray I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.

Penny: And remember, he's more afraid of you than you are of him.
Sheldon: That doesn't help.
Penny: No, I was talking to the bird.

Leonard: Too casual?
Sheldon: For an audience with the queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trash can, you look great.

Sheldon: Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world.

(Leonard is pointing out the monotonous movie habits of their former relationship.)
Leonard: No. You always picked, and it was always the same. An hour and a half of beach houses in the rain until the woman turns around and realizes love was here all along.
Penny: But, come on, that is a great movie, and it starts in ten minutes.

Leonard: Do you think I'm overdressed?
Sheldon: It depends on the activity. For a prostate exam? Yes. If you're playing Vegas, I'd add sequins.

Penny: Well, I'm going to take myself out to a movie tonight. You want to go?
Leonard: Really? Do we do that?
Penny: What do you mean?
Leonard: You know, we haven't spent time alone together since we broke up.
Penny: Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, and not having sex at the end of the night.
Leonard: Sounds like most of my dates.

Sheldon: Yes, hello. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue. Yeah, I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal. A blue jay. I'm sorry, this is Animal Control. I don't understand the laughter. No, the bird is not in my home. If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911. Sir, I have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of. Being stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or your wife stepping out on you because you're stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or spiders? Don't you think I tried making cat noises?

Amy: So I guess you have to have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.