Howard: [Chuckles] Look at that. There's finally a woman in your life you can talk to.

Sheldon: Now, today's episode of 'Fun with Flags' is not fun, but it is important. Flags: You gotta know how to hold 'em, you gotta know how to fold 'em.

Leonard: I missed you.
Penny: You see me all the time. You sure you don't just miss the sex?
Leonard: Well, yeah, the sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
Penny: I have. You're not wrong.

Kripke: Siwi, can you recommend a restaurant?
Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant."

Amy: Her heart's full of love, no one cares what's in her mouth.

Raj: Whoa! What's your hurry, cowboy? Savor the moment.
*Raj and Howard slowly remove the plastic off Raj's new iPhone 4S*
Howard: Oh, yeah.

Howard: She (Siri) is gonna break his heart.

Bernadette: Who's Siri? Is he dating someone new?
Howard: Yes, his phone.
Bernadette: Is that cute? Or creepy?

Penny: You mean like a beta test?
Leonard: Well, technically, this would be an alpha test. A beta test requires people that weren't involved in the development of the appli-
Penny: Seriously, do I not get credit for knowing beta test?
Leonard: No, absolutely you should.

Raj: I'd like for you to call me sexy.
Siri: [chimes] From now on, I'll call you sexy. Okay?
Raj: Okay!

Penny: No, your Reebok has a gunshot wound and you have an ouchie on your pinky toe.

Barry Kripke: Listen to me. Not westauwant, westauwant. See, total cwap. You suck, Siwi!

Leonard: It's color-coded. Red means "fix right away". Yellow is "eh, whenever you get a chance." And green is "I could probably learn to live with it."

Raj: I can't believe I bought my soul mate at Glendale Galleria.

Leonard: So, I've got a gunshot wound. That's pretty bad-ass.
Penny: No, you've got a Reebok with a gunshot wound and an ouchie on your pinky toe.

Barry Kripke: Heads up. Professor Rothman urinated in the physics lab again. So we're going to move up his retirement party. Friday 5 o'clock pot luck.

Leonard: I play Grand Theft Auto. I know about gats. *gun fires*

Leonard: Can you be more specific on how my eyebrows are "stupid"? No, never mind. It's right here.

Penny: Bug report: when a guy asks me to spend some time with him, maybe he plans something a little more interesting than hanging out at home and watching TV.
Leonard: Even Doctor Who?
Penny: Even Doctor Who.

Raj: Don't talk to her (Siri) that way. She's a lady.
Barry Kripke: Well, that lady took high-res pictures of my junk last night for Craigslist. Later!