Sheldon: If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me. You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.

Leonard: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
Sheldon: I'll do it.
Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
Paramedic: No, that's not a rule. He can go.
Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Sheldon: Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way, it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Leonard: The interface is pretty simple. You put your horizontal X coordinate here, vertical Y coordinate here. When you're happy with those, you press this button.
Penny: Got it.
Sheldon: Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found online. (A foam missile fires at Sheldon) Hey!
Leonard: Nice shot.
Penny: Eh, his giant head did most of the work.
Sheldon: Very mature. You're lucky I'm out of silly string.

Sheldon: Oh, dear lord, Leonard, look. He's still available for parties and events. We should hire him.
Leonard: Hire him to do what?
Sheldon: Well, whatever we want. Hang out, do experiments, make him take 12 pictures with us so we can make a calendar.

Leonard: It would be pretty awesome to hang out with him. I just used awesome wrong, didn't I?

Sheldon: It's happening. Leonard, it's happening. Professor Proton is coming to our house.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Howard: You mean the guy who used to host that lame kids show?
Sheldon: And you just got yourself uninvited. See? I told you I'd find a tactful way to do that.

Raj: It's very simple. For breakfast, she has an egg-white frittata. Feel free to give her a choice of home fries or an English muffin, but not both. We're watching our weight. Uh, for dinner, something simple, a veal chop, some scampi, whatever you like.
Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.

Howard: (To Cinnamon) I feel for ya. I've got a psychotic mommy, too.

Sheldon: Leonard, are you in bed?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Me, too.
Leonard: Great.
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Leonard: Well, I can, so shut up.
Sheldon: Do you realize that in less than nine hours, Arthur Jeffries, aka Professor Proton, will be in our apartment?
Leonard: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night, you're gonna be sleepy tomorrow. And a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon. And a cranky Sheldon is actually no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night.

Sheldon: I'm thinking of wearing a tuxedo.
Leonard: That's not ridiculous. Good night.
Sheldon: Do you have cufflinks?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Ah, just as well. Where can you rent a tuxedo at three oclock in the morning?

Howard: She really tuckered herself out at the park, huh?
Bernadette: Yeah, you two were so cute playing together.
Howard: It was kind of fun throwing a ball and not having anyone laugh at me.
Bernadette: And you were sweet not to throw it too far so she didn't wear out her tiny legs.
Howard: Yeah, that's what I was doing.

Bernadette: You know, there were a few moments today when I almost felt like we were a little family.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: Yeah. I never thought of myself as a mom, but when the three of us were out there having fun, I felt like maybe someday we could do it.
Howard: Of course we can. Especially if our babys as calm and quiet as little Cinna Son of a bitch, she's gone.
Bernadette: Where'd she go?
Howard: I don't know. She didn't leave a note!

Bernadette: Well, you were the one who was supposed to put her back in the stroller.
Howard: No, I wasn't. You were.
Bernadette: No, I wasn't.
Howard: Yes, you were!
Bernadette: Yeah, well, you throw like a girl.