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Quotes from ‘The Proton Resurgence’

The Proton Resurgence

'The Proton Resurgence' - Season 6, Episode 22

When Sheldon discovers his childhood hero, Professor Proton - a TV science show host, is available for children's parties, Sheldon and Leonard hire him to perform for them. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette take care of Raj's dog.

Air Date: May 2, 2013.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: I'm having trouble with my pacemaker.
Leonard: I'll call for help.
Penny: Any chance we could plug it into the potato?
Professor Proton: No.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: How'd you get him to come to your house?
Sheldon: As Professor Proton always says, there is no problem you can't solve if you use your noggin.
Leonard: And he wrote him a check.
Sheldon: Yeah, that too. A big check.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: I wrote a fan letter to you when I was a child in Texas, and you sent this autographed picture back to me. Do you remember that?
Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint. I have a bracelet with my own address on it.

Quote from Penny

Penny: But if you dont mind me asking, uh, the potato clock, how does it work? Is it a trick clock or a trick potato?

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Just, just call me Arthur.
Sheldon: Leonard, did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. That means we're friends. Professor Proton: No, a friend would've told me about the elevator.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: I power a clock with a potato.
Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean ... wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
Professor Proton: No.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Hey, I just found out that I have to be at the telescope lab all weekend. Any chance you and Bernadette could take care of my dog?
Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Is, uh, is he dangerous?
Leonard: Actually he's a genius.
Sheldon: I am.
Professor Proton: That doesn't answer my question.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Is the blond girl really your girlfriend?
Leonard: Yes, sir.
Professor Proton: You're the genius.

Quote from Howard

Howard: When this is all blows over, remember that voice. It's kind of a turn-on.
Bernadette: It turns you on when I sound like Raj?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me. You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.

Quote from Professor Proton

Leonard: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
Sheldon: I'll do it.
Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
Paramedic: No, that's not a rule. He can go.
Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Professor Proton: Thank you, Sheldon. That, that was very nice.
Sheldon: Want me to sing it again?
Professor Proton: No. The fourth, the fourth time was the charm.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way, it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: The interface is pretty simple. You put your horizontal X coordinate here, vertical Y coordinate here. When you're happy with those, you press this button.
Penny: Got it.
Sheldon: Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found online. (A foam missile fires at Sheldon) Hey!
Leonard: Nice shot.
Penny: Eh, his giant head did most of the work.
Sheldon: Very mature. You're lucky I'm out of silly string.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, dear lord, Leonard, look. He's still available for parties and events. We should hire him.
Leonard: Hire him to do what?
Sheldon: Well, whatever we want. Hang out, do experiments, make him take 12 pictures with us so we can make a calendar.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: It would be pretty awesome to hang out with him. I just used awesome wrong, didn't I?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's happening. Leonard, it's happening. Professor Proton is coming to our house.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Howard: You mean the guy who used to host that lame kids show?
Sheldon: And you just got yourself uninvited. See? I told you I'd find a tactful way to do that.

Quote from Raj

Raj: It's very simple. For breakfast, she has an egg-white frittata. Feel free to give her a choice of home fries or an English muffin, but not both. We're watching our weight. Uh, for dinner, something simple, a veal chop, some scampi, whatever you like.
Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.

Quote from Howard

Howard: (To Cinnamon) I feel for ya. I've got a psychotic mommy, too.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Leonard, are you in bed?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Me, too.
Leonard: Great.
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Leonard: Well, I can, so shut up.
Sheldon: Do you realize that in less than nine hours, Arthur Jeffries, aka Professor Proton, will be in our apartment?
Leonard: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night, you're gonna be sleepy tomorrow. And a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon. And a cranky Sheldon is actually no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm thinking of wearing a tuxedo.
Leonard: That's not ridiculous. Good night.
Sheldon: Do you have cufflinks?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Ah, just as well. Where can you rent a tuxedo at three oclock in the morning?

Quote from Howard

Howard: She really tuckered herself out at the park, huh?
Bernadette: Yeah, you two were so cute playing together.
Howard: It was kind of fun throwing a ball and not having anyone laugh at me.
Bernadette: And you were sweet not to throw it too far so she didn't wear out her tiny legs.
Howard: Yeah, that's what I was doing.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: You know, there were a few moments today when I almost felt like we were a little family.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: Yeah. I never thought of myself as a mom, but when the three of us were out there having fun, I felt like maybe someday we could do it.
Howard: Of course we can. Especially if our babys as calm and quiet as little Cinna Son of a bitch, she's gone.
Bernadette: Where'd she go?
Howard: I don't know. She didn't leave a note!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Well, you were the one who was supposed to put her back in the stroller.
Howard: No, I wasn't. You were.
Bernadette: No, I wasn't.
Howard: Yes, you were!
Bernadette: Yeah, well, you throw like a girl.

Quote from Professor Proton

Penny: So, do you do a lot of appearances like this?
Professor Proton: It, it's hard to say. I'm, I'm still trying to figure out what, what th, what this is.
Leonard: We just wanted to hang out with you and maybe learn a little about your life.
Professor Proton: Well, there, there really isn't too much to tell. After the TV show was, was canceled, nobody in the scientific world would, uh, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do these, uh, children's parties to, to make a living.
Leonard: That's too bad. But still, working with kids, it must be rewarding.
Professor Proton: You, you get bit a lot.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Let me see if, if I have this straight. You, you two are, are physicists, and you, and you want me to do a children's science show?
Sheldon: Yes. And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
Professor Proton: You know, I'm a real scientist. I, I have a PhD from Cornell University.
Sheldon: Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
Professor Proton: No, no. I, I hate that puppet.
Sheldon: Oh, no. How could anybody hate (in an exaggerated Italian accent) Gino the Neutrino? It's nice, huh? I got him for 20 bucks on eBay. (Italian accent) Including the shipping!
Professor Proton: I'm, I'm awake, right? Th, this is happening?

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: Look, guys, keep your money. I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
Sheldon: What, well what's wrong? Is she upsetting you? Because I can make her go away.
Professor Proton: No, she, she's the only reason I've, I've stayed this long.

Quote from Professor Proton

Leonard: Then what is it?

Professor Proton: I don't know. I think I'm just, I, I just, I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
Sheldon: Well, how can you say that? Professor Protons the best.
Professor Proton: What, what has it ever gotten me? I mean, I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in, in his suitcase. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And the, the puppeteer who did, who did Gino, well, he also did my wife.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Well, anyway, um, you may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o'clock, you'd come to my house on Channel 68, and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.
Leonard: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
Sheldon: Yeah, it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
Professor Proton: Well, thank, thank you, guys. That, that, that means a lot.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Can't believe we lost her. What was I thinking? I'd be a terrible mom.
Howard: Well, maybe with the first one. But kids are like pancakes. The first one's always a throwaway.

Quote from Raj

Howard: (Skype tone) It's Raj. Stay quiet. Hey, bad timing. Bernadette just took Cinnamon out for a walk.
Raj: Hmm. Interesting. Did they take a walk down Liars' Lane?
Howard: What?
Raj: A lane frequented by liars. Like you, you big liar.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Hang on, you've had her for hours?
Raj: Yes. I picked her up, and then we both went for massages to try and calm down. And then we got Pinkberry.
Bernadette: So you knew she was okay, and you couldn't pick up the phone to tell us?
Raj: Well, I, I thought about-
Bernadette: Don't well me, mister. We've been worried sick. She could have been dead for all we knew. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Raj: Sorry. I, I just-
Bernadette: Sorry's not good enough. Maybe you need to take some time and think about what you've done. (ends the Skype call)
Howard: Nice guilt trip. You are gonna be an amazing mom!

Quote from Professor Proton

Professor Proton: But I, I do, I do have a favor to, to ask.
Sheldon: Name it.
Professor Proton: Well, I'm, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and, um, frankly I, you know, I, I don't feel up to it.
Sheldon: Oh, you're not. You look awful.
Professor Proton: Thank you. Anyway, uh, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was, I was hoping that maybe, you know, maybe you'd fill in for me.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
Professor Proton: Yeah.
Sheldon: Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
Professor Proton: Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
Sheldon: But they'll know I'm not you. Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: What- Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

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