Penny: This is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business.

Sheldon: I'm exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can't take this away.

Howard: How are the taxes going?
Bernadette: Okay, but you've got a lot of receipts for the Lego store in here.
Howard: Those are business expenses. You can write those off.
Bernadette: A $200 R2-D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie, you're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

Bernadette: What's happening?
Howard: Raj was snooping through Emily's drawers and broke one.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm gonna miss her.

Leonard: We cover ourselves in body paint and then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.
Penny: Woah, that's kind of a big step for a guy who only recently agreed to take his socks off.

Sheldon: Do you want to say it?
Amy: Let's say it together.
Sheldon and Amy: We're getting a turtle!

Amy: Acquiring a joint pet is a big step for us.
Sheldon: It's true. It means we care so much about each other, there's enough left over for an eight-ounce reptile.

Amy: I suppose being the first people on a new planet would be incredibly exciting.
Sheldon: I know. We could be the first to plant a flag on Mars.
We could be the first to watch Mars Attacks on Mars.
We could be the first to say "Good lord, what on Mars are you talking about?"

Leonard: It seems a shame to throw it away.
Penny: Yeah. We could give it to Sheldon and tell him William Shatner painted it.
Leonard: God, I love you. I love you so much.

Bernadette: She sounds really mad.
Howard: We should hang up.
Bernadette: Yeah, we should.
Howard: But we're not going to, are we?
Bernadette: Not a chance.
Howard: What happened to snooping is wrong?
Bernadette: Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.

Sheldon: Being in close quarters, cleanliness is important. My hygiene is impeccable. In fact, animals don't trust me because I smell like nothing. Literally, nothing.

Amy: We could also be the first people to procreate on Mars.
Sheldon: You just can't keep it in your space pants, can you?

Howard: I think you broke the dowels. You're not gonna have time to glue it back on. You'll have to nail it.
Raj: With what?
Howard: Does she have any pillows or wine glasses?
Raj: She does.
Howard: Great. Neither of those. Try a hammer!
Raj: Did that feel good? You feel like a big man now?

Amy: And who says you could even survive an inter-planetary mission anyway? You could barely survive a tiny turtle bite.
Sheldon: First of all, this has only made me stronger.

Sheldon: So you're saying you wouldn't leave me for the chance to be one of the first humans to colonize another planet?
Amy: I would at least mention it before filling out the application.
Sheldon: Hmm. That's exactly what Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Bernadette and Penny said.

Amy: Think about it. If we had a family there, our kids would be martians.
Sheldon: They would, wouldn't they? We could give them cool martian names. We could teach them about martian history, like who planted those flags or where'd that copy of Mars Attacks come from.

Penny: Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.
Leonard: That's true. How late did we stay up last night?
Penny: Almost 1 am.
Leonard: Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.
Penny: Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!

Leonard: Why a turtle?
Sheldon: After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur. They don't make noise.
Amy: For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobble stone.
Sheldon: And, if he ever goes beserk, I know I can out run him. Coincidentally that's also why I chose you as a roommate.

Sheldon: What should we name him? I came in thinking Seth, but he kinda looks Italian.

Sheldon: How about this one?
Amy: He's barely moving. He looks half dead.
Sheldon: I know. I like him too.

Sheldon: Hi little guy. How'd you like to come home with us? You'll be living with me, because we don't live in the same house.
Amy: But that's not your fault. Like you, we're taking it ridiculously slow. You'll stay with me when he's away for Comic-Con or with work.
Sheldon: Or if they accept daddy's application to live on Mars.

Amy: You applied for a mission to be a colonist on another planet and couldn't be bothered to tell me?
Sheldon: Would you have approved?
Amy: Of course not.
Sheldon: Well, based on your reaction, it looks like I made the right choice. Isn't that right, Giuseppe.

Raj: What are you doing?
Howard: Just playing video games while Bernie does the taxes.
Raj: What are you a little kid? Is she gonna cut your dinner in to little pieces, too?
Howard: She doesn't have to. I filled up on Jelly Beans.

Raj: So, where's your roommate tonight?
Emily: Well, I thought it was a little unfair that she's always here and you never get a chance to stay over, so I killed her.
Raj: Remember our agreement. You can joke about killing people, but you have to say "just kidding".

Amy: Are you asking me to go to Mars with you?
Sheldon: I am. If I'm going to a barren, lifeless environment, where the chances of survival are slim to none, I want you there with me.

Leonard: I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.
Penny: Again, it was miniature golf.
Leonard: Admit it, you're a little turned on.
Penny: You can't be this proud.
Leonard: Why not?
Penny: Because I beat you.

Raj: Oh no, oh no, oh God, no.
Howard: You know what? You sound busy. I'm going to let you go.

Raj: Thank you for forgiving me.
Emily: It's okay. At some point we were bound to have our first fight.
Raj: Well, it almost happened when you called my Apple Pie crust doughy. But the truth is, you were right and I was just angry at myself.

Amy: I guess we'll have to make a new video together as a couple.
Sheldon: Good idea. And as you've had such a rough day, I'm gonna let you throw the pie in Leonard's face.

Leonard: Congratulations. Who would've thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family.

Amy: What I want is for us to be planning our future together.
Sheldon: And in that future, are we on the same planet? Because I've seen people make the long distance thing work.
Amy: We're on the same planet!

Sheldon: Oh dear lord. Oh dear lord.
Amy: It's okay. We made it. We're fine.
Sheldon: That was a lot of puppies.

Leonard: I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.
Penny: Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.

Sheldon: During the seven month space flight, I can keep up morale with my wacky sense of humor. Hey, Leonard, is there any peanut brittle left in that can?
Leonard: You mean this weirdly suspicious one?
Sheldon: Yes. Open it and check.
Leonard: I don't get it. There's actually peanut brittle in-
*Sheldon throws a pie at Leonard*

Sheldon: I was going to make you a red zinger, but since Mars is the red planet I went for peppermint.

Leonard: I got you something for Valentine's Day and I was too embarrassed to give it to you.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: Because I got it at the dirty store.
Penny: You went to the dirty store without me?
Leonard: In sun glasses and a hat after I parked two blocks away.

Sheldon: This again. Amy, I've already had one new hole torn in my body today, I don't need another one.

Sheldon: I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal into my home.
Amy: No one told you to poke the turtle's face.
Sheldon: I was playing "Got your nose". That's how you get children to like you.

Penny: Now come on, we are gonna do this.
Leonard: Yeah. You get the paint, I'll rest for thirty to forty minutes, and then we do this.

Penny: Did we move at all?
Leonard: Maybe a long the Z axis, but X & Y are looking pretty sad.

Penny: So, what do you think?
Leonard: I thought it would be a little more ... just more.
Penny: I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.

Leonard: Please go to Mars.

Amy: Let's pick ourselves out a nice turtle. Ooh, how about this one up on the log?
Sheldon: Hmm, I don't know. He kinda looks like a jerk.

Penny: No, come on, I wanna do it. Let's you, me and your very, very pale feet make some art.

Leonard: So, where do you want to hang it?
Penny: Are you kidding? We're not hanging it.
Leonard: But it's an expression of our love.
Penny: And our butts. Not hanging it.