Penny: (To Raj's dog) Bark once if you need me to call PETA.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American?
Leonard: It's kind of a big deal.
Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule?

Howard: I'm not signing a prenup.
Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up! You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.

Bernadette: Aww, Raj did the dishes.
Howard: How do you know I didn't do them?
Bernadette: Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.

Sheldon: No, that's okay. I can fight my own battles. Isn't that right, Bawwy?
Barry Kripke: Is that a reference to my speech impediment? That's pretty hurtful. I can't control it.
Sheldon: You're right. That was uncalled for. I take it back.
Barry Kripke: Of course you do, because you're The Retractor!

Penny: You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.
Amy: Little early for alcohol, isn't it?
Sheldon: (On the radio) You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel. *Yodelling*
Amy: I'll get the vodka.