Penny: I'm gonna kill her.
Bernadette: Im sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.
Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.

Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: We just want you to be prepared for any surprises that could happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes, he said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you and we know how much-
Amy: I do know what to say. Let's get me waxed!

Amy: I guess it must have been back when I was in the Girl Sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl Sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not get lucky.
Amy: You and me both, brother.

Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Raj: I did the research. Tony the Tiger, Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula, Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest.
Leonard: Are we done with this?
Raj: Almost. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee, I believe his name is Buzz.

Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.