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Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor

*Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese*.
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Financial Permeability

Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Why should I do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don't have heaven
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish Hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish Hell

4.6

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

(Sheldon smiles in a grotesque way).
Howard: Oh...... crap that's terrifying.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation

Nurse: *Lifts up towel* What is this?
Howard: It's a robot arm.
Nurse: Where's the rest of the robot?
Howard: I only built the arm.
Nurse: Because that's all you needed, right?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Zazzy Substitution

Howard: On the potty, what are you five?
Raj: It's a potty, what do you call it?
Howard: A toilet.
Raj: That's a little vulgar for the dinner table, don't you think?
Howard: and potty is okay?
Raj: Potty is innocent. Potty is adorable.
Howard: What do you do on the potty, wee-wee?
Raj: If I don't have to boom-boom.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition

Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Monopolar Expedition

Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Isotope

Wolowitz: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity

Sheldon: I don't care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics: regular and Klingon.
Howard: Actually, Indian Monopoly is just like regular. Except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centers. And when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Leonard: What would you do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland!
Leonard: Really?
Wolowitz: Yes, and I'd leave him there!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Howard: [Chuckles] Look at that. There's finally a woman in your life you can talk to.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Guitarist Amplification

Wolowitz: I said I was sorry!
Rajesh: Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that I had to cook chicken and rice with this vegan guy. You know what vegan chicken and rice is? RICE!
Wolowitz: Do you think I'dve rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever peed so much in yor life??"
Rajesh: Oh, you are such a momma's boy!
Wolowitz: Don't bring my mother into this.
Rajesh: YOU brought your mother into this!!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I'm "creepy".

4.6

Quote from the episode The Love Car Displacement

Wolowitz: What, I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Howard: You interested in Amy?
Stuart: Well, I mean she didn't look through me with soul-sucking ball-shriveling hatred and contempt. I like that in a woman.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Classified Materials Turbulence

Howard: Hey, you want to make sure [Stuart] gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

*Raj laughs in an "evil" way*
Wolowitz: That's more like: We're tall thin women who want to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Maternal Capacitance

Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
*Pause*
Howard: Say what?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification

Howard: You gotta like this: the girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty? (All but Leonard laugh)
Leonard: Kill me!
Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Wolowitz: Well, no you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Nerdvana Annihilation

Penny: It is the things you love that make you who you are.
Wolowitz: I guess that makes me large breasts.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: (Waking up) Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary

Bernadette: Does your mother call you everyday to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me everyday to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: *To Sheldon* It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Ah, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

Rajesh: Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Rajesh: Yes, well, we Indians invented them. (leans in toward her) You're welcome.
Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. (leans in toward Missy) You're welcome.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

[Sheldon is refusing to buy a present for Leonard]
Howard: [to Penny] Try telling him it's a non optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: [to Sheldon] It's a non optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh! Fair enough.
[Penny surprised]
Howard: He came with a manual.

4.6

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