*Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese*.
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
*Pause*
Howard: Say what?
Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.
Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I'm "creepy".
Wolowitz: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.
Wolowitz: Puppies, how do you stand on puppies?
Bernadette: A puppy once bit my face!
Wolowitz: Of course it did.
Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?
Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
(Sheldon smiles in a grotesque way).
Howard: Oh...... crap that's terrifying.
Howard: Hey, you want to make sure [Stuart] gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.
Leonard: What would you do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland!
Leonard: Really?
Wolowitz: Yes, and I'd leave him there!
Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
Wolowitz: Raj, there's no place for truth on the Internet.
Rajesh: Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Rajesh: Yes, well, we Indians invented them. (leans in toward her) You're welcome.
Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. (leans in toward Missy) You're welcome.
*Raj laughs in an "evil" way*
Wolowitz: That's more like: We're tall thin women who want to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.
Wolowitz: *After he fixed Sheldon's algorithm* Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?
Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
Wolowitz: We add Bluetooth.
[Sheldon is refusing to buy a present for Leonard]
Howard: [to Penny] Try telling him it's a non optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: [to Sheldon] It's a non optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh! Fair enough.
[Penny surprised]
Howard: He came with a manual.
Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.
Wolowitz: Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.
Wolowitz: Whaddup science b*tches?
Howard's mom (HM): Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma' I HEAR THE PHONE!
HM: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
HM: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly houer!
Howard: HOW CAN I ASK THEM WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!?. *on the phone* Hello?
Howard (to Leonard, after a round of Dance Dance Revolution): Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win. (walks away)
Howard (to Sheldon): What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!
Showing Results 1 to 25 of 56.
