Raj: So, what should we do today?
Bernadette: Oh, I appreciate it, but you don't have to spend your day off with me.
Raj: Well, I don't mind. Oh, you want go to the mall and look at baby stuff?
Bernadette: Not really.
Raj: Oh, come on, we could share a pretzel and get sideways glances from racist old ladies.
Bernadette: I get enough of that when I take Howard to my grandmother's for Christmas.

Raj: Oh, I know, why don't we get started on clearing out the baby's room?
Bernadette: Isn't it a little early for that?
Raj: You have to get to it eventually.
Bernadette: Oh, there's so much junk in there, it's embarrassing.
Raj: How can you be embarrassed around me? I'm gonna be in the room with you when you give birth.
Bernadette: I don't think you are.
Raj: You didn't think I was gonna be in your kitchen this morning, yet here I am.

Howard: Why is it taking him so long to get a drink out of a vending machine?
Leonard: Oh, it's complicated. He finds pushing that little door and reaching up into the machine uncomfortably intimate.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I am ready to work. To quote The Martian, "Let's science the feces out of this!" That's "The Martian" the book and "The Martian" the movie, not Marvin the Martian. Although to quote Marvin the Martian, "I claim this planet in the name of Mars."

Penny: So should we talk to each other or mingle?
Amy: I don't know where everyone is.
Penny: Yeah, I mean, I could see him eating one or two guests, but not a whole party.

Howard: Why don't you just go home?
Sheldon: No, I can do this. I just, I just need another energy drink.
Oh, no.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I want another one.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: That's a craving. That's a sign of chemical dependency.

Raj: So, uh, instead of cleaning out the room, why don't we just decide on a theme for the nursery?
Bernadette: Does it really need one?]
Raj: Of course it does. Didn't your baby room have a theme?
Bernadette: Well, it doubled as my dad's office, and he was a cop, so I guess the theme was bloody homicide photos.
Raj: Oh. Mine was Winnie the Pooh.

Penny: Okay, okay, so Amy's cool, Sheldon's cool. Tell me about Leonard.
Bert: Who?
Penny: Leonard Hofstadter.
Bert: Oh, him. I guess he's all right. Apparently he tricked some hot girl into marrying him.
Penny: That's me, I'm her. And you know, he didn't trick me. He just wore me down.

Bernadette: Raj, why don't I care about anything?
Raj: I'm sorry?
Bernadette: It's my baby. I should care about nurseries and colors, and I don't. What's wrong with me?
Raj: Well, crime-scene photos near your crib spring to mind.

Sheldon: All right, I'll just toss this out to the room. Um, I was thinking that the best way to fight my addiction is by weaning myself off in steps. Now, I couldn't find a caffeine patch, but I did find what claims to be a mind-boosting caffeine suppository. Yeah, you know, there's an interesting fact about the rectum--
Leonard: Sheldon!

Leonard: Sheldon! We are dealing with an impossible deadline from the Air Force because of you. So have an energy drink, don't have an energy drink. Order suppositories and shove 'em wherever you want, I don't care!
Sheldon: You don't shove them. They come with an easy-glide applicator.

Leonard: It's okay, we'll figure something out.
Sheldon: But what if we can't?
Leonard: It'll be fine. You'll see. Sheldon? Buddy?
*Sheldon asleep and snoring while resting on Leonard's chest*
Howard: When the baby gets here, you gotta teach me that.

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. Are you calling to ask for money?
Raj: What? No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Are you calling to ask for things that cost money?
Raj: No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Great. What's up?

Dr. Koothrappali: What seems to be the trouble?
Bernadette: Something's wrong. I don't care about any of the baby stuff every other mom is so into. Honestly, I'm not even sure I like babies.
Dr. Koothrappali: Look, some people are baby people, and some people are not baby people. It doesn't mean you won't love your own baby.

Leonard: Um, I don't really know how to say this.
Colonel Williams: Well, you could try starting with "sir".
Leonard: Right. Sorry, sir.
Sheldon: He said start with it, not end with it.