Quotes from ‘The Birthday Synchronicity’

The Birthday Synchronicity

'The Birthday Synchronicity' - Season 10, Episode 11

It's Amy's birthday again, so she and Sheldon are going to enjoy their annual tradition of coitus - if the birth of Howard and Bernadette's baby doesn't interrupt them.

Air Date: December 15, 2016.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.
Amy: I love it. Thank you.
Sheldon: And it's not just an MRI. The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.

Quote from Penny

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, I just learned Amy went to a theme park without me, but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. I'll wait, and ruin 24 individual hours sprinkled throughout the year.

Quote from Amy

Amy: All right, you can open your eyes. I thought I'd let Harry Potter make things hotter.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: This is for you. I was going to wrap it, but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Amy: I'll put in on the list with peaches and felt.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: We seem to be moving on to the annual coitus portion of your birthday festivities.
Amy: Is that okay?
Sheldon: I didn't put on my come-hither plaid PJs for nothing.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: She said not to come. It's gonna be a while.
Amy: (sighs) Well, first deliveries can be slow.
Sheldon: I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I guess I guess we should stop.
Sheldon: Yeah, I'm afraid so. Childbirth, looming coitus? This is a banner night for female genitals.

Quote from Althea

Althea: Now I see three of you. Do we know the father, or is this some Mamma Mia nonsense?

Quote from Amy

Penny: Howard and Bernadette's kid might be born on your birthday. How cool is that?
Amy: Yeah, but I thought this baby was supposed to ruin their sex life, not mine.

Quote from Amy

Leonard: It's not just Howard and Bernadette. I mean, look how far we've all come.
Penny: Hmm.
Stuart: You two got married.
Amy: Sheldon and I are living together.
Sheldon: But if my mom asks, we have bunk beds.
Leonard: Penny was a struggling actress when we met, and now she's a successful pharmaceutical rep.
Penny: Okay, you don't have to say "struggling" every time. You can just say actress.
Stuart: Howard went to space.
Amy: Bernadette got her doctorate.
Leonard: Sheldon, Howard and I are working with the government on our quantum gyroscope.
Amy: We've all come a long way. There's a lot to be proud of.

Quote from Stuart

Leonard: Sorry, Stuart.
Stuart: Hey, I'm in a hospital and I'm not the patient. I'm fine.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Does the baby have a name yet?
Howard: We have named her Halley.
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: Oh, like Halley's comet.
Howard: Exactly. Also like the comet, Bernadette said she's not gonna have sex with me for another 75 years.

Quote from Howard

Howard: She would've been the best grandma.
Bernadette: She did always have candy in her pocket.
Howard: Yeah. I was 20 years old before I figured out Tootsie Rolls weren't naturally warm.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I'm not sure. Earlier tonight, things began organically, and now it's feeling forced, like all the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I believe we were kissing like randy teenagers, and your nose was whistling ever so slightly.
Amy: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Oh, don't be. You were like a foxy tea kettle.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Oh, man. This is really happening. You doin' okay?
Bernadette: Here comes another contraction.
Stuart: Let's pick it up!
Raj: All right, hold on. I'm gonna drive like we do in India. (honking the horn) Get out of my way, you syphilitic dogs!
Howard: Stop that! This isn't India.
Raj: Fine. What do one point three billion people know about having babies?

Quote from Raj

Howard: Sorry, I know you were just trying to help. (To Bernadette) I love you.
Raj: I love you, too. We're good.

Quote from Amy

Amy: You hate Scotch tape, but you love Scotch plaid. You are a mystery.

Quote from Althea

Althea: Okay, Dad, how far apart are the contractions?
Howard: No idea. Ask him.
Raj: 12 minutes.
Althea: 12 minutes? Why are you here?
Stuart: Aren't we supposed to get here an hour and a half early?
Althea: This is a hospital, not the airport.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I'm sorry.It's our first time.
Althea: It's okay. This little one will be here before you know it. Do we know what we're having?
Howard: No, we're keeping it a surprise.
Althea: Old school. Nice.
Bernadette: Not that old school. He knows.

Quote from Althea

Althea: Sweetheart, go home. Come back when the contractions are five minutes apart for an hour.
Raj: I'm sorry. That's ambiguous. Is it five minutes apart starting at the top of the hour, or five minutes apart starting with the first contraction, so essentially, like, 65 minutes?
Althea: I'm just throwing this out there, but home births are very popular these days.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, what took you so long?
Sheldon: Wolowitz might hand out cigars. I had to find my bubble gum cigar so I could join in without looking foolish.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Babe, they want to have sex.
Pennny: Oh, of course! The annual birthday booty spectacular!
Sheldon: That's a bit childish, isn't it?
Penny: I'm sorry, and what flavor is your bubble gum cigar?
Sheldon: Grape. I find it the most mild.

Quote from Raj

Raj: (filming a video for the baby) Okay, little one, here we are back at home because you weren't quite ready to come out yet. You wanted to make an entrance. I get it.

Quote from Raj

Raj: And here's your daddy. When he tries to tell you he used to be cool, you can see he wasn't.

Quote from Raj

Howard: All right, enough with the camera.
Raj: Well, this is not for me. This is for the baby. Some day she's gonna want to see this.
Howard: I'm sorry. Who's gonna want to see this?
Raj: I I said "she" but lots of things are she - boats and cars, whales. Like, "thar she blows!"
Stuart: You're doing great.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I mean, the mood's a little different now. We don't have to rush.
Sheldon: Oh, I know, but Leonard and Penny think we're doing it, and I don't want to disappoint them.
Amy: And the mood continues to change.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I think I might have a little surprise that might help get things back on track.
Sheldon: Intriguing. Is "back on track" a hint that it has something to do with trains?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Because if it did have to do with trains, and you were gonna give-
Amy: It's not about trains!
Sheldon: Oh. Not even a cozy sleeper car on the Orient Express?
Amy: Stop talking about trains!
Sheldon: Who's killing the mood now?

Quote from Stuart

Howard: Stuart, stop driving like an old man. Speed it up a little.
Stuart: I'm not an old man! I just can't see at night.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: (groaning) Here comes another one. (yelling) Hey, Squinty, the gas pedal's on the right!
Stuart: All right, hang on. If you see any pedestrians, just call 'em out.

Quote from Raj

Raj: This is not how I imagined this day going. I should be with them right now.
Leonard: Well, it is their child.
Raj: I know that. But to be fair, I've spent nine months helping Bernadette get ready for this baby. And Howard spent five minutes conceiving it. And I'm being generous.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Five minutes? We must be doing it wrong. It took us hours.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: (To Howard) I'm so thirsty. Give me more ice chips.
Stuart: (munching on ice chips) Sorry. I thought these were room ice chips.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I didn't know her five minutes and she asked, (imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) "Are you a Milky Way or a Snickers girl?"
Howard: Thank God you answered right - we wouldn't be here today.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: It's hard to believe Howard's having a kid.
Penny: Yeah.
Amy: Penny, you're the one who introduced him to Bernie.
Penny: How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: For God's sake, just drive in the knife, why don't you!
Stuart: What's your problem?
Raj: Well, you're all thinking that I'm the only one who hasn't done anything worthwhile.
Sheldon: I was not thinking it. Although, now that you point it out, it is undeniable.

Quote from Sheldon

Stuart: Raj, if it's any consolation, I'm no better off than I was ten years ago.
Raj: Oh, yay! I have a doctorate in astrophysics and I'm every bit as awesome as the pasty-faced owner of a comic book store!
Sheldon: Raj! Show some compassion. Those are things that we think but don't say.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Remember what you learned in birthing class.
Bernadette: I remember thinking, "this is stupid" and I was right!
Howard: Do you want me to get the nurse?
Bernadette: No! If one more person puts their fingers near my uterus, I'm gonna cross my legs and snap 'em off!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Well, that was quite a day.
Sheldon: It was. Bernadette had her baby, I made it to Wizarding World, and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration. (Pointing his wand) Hankius pankius.
Amy: I was afraid you'd be too tired.
Sheldon: Amy, I just saw a magic train and reported somebody for cutting the line. If that's not foreplay, I don't know what is.

Quote from Howard

Raj: (In a sing-songy fashion) You see, I was at the doctor's office, the folder was right there, so I took a peek.
Howard: (Imitating Koothrappali) And talking like this doesn't make it less creepy.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Damn, I need my inhaler.
Penny: Just don't smoke.
Leonard: No, I went down the stairs too fast.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I found it, but it's empty.
Penny: Well, it doesn't matter. We're not going to the hospital now.
Leonard: Are you sure? I'd really like to.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: If we find my backup inhaler, maybe we can get frisky.
Penny: Oh, you sexy, wheezy little man.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: Raj!
Raj: (into the camera) Well, okay, I'm gonna sign off now. This next part may contain some adult language.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: How could you?!
Howard: We made it this far without knowing, and you ruined it!
Raj: Well, you guys have no idea how hard it is to know something like this and not say it!
Stuart: You told me it was a girl, and I didn't say it.
Bernadette: Raj!
Raj: You were supposed to keep that to yourself.
Stuart: Oh, yeah. I guess it is hard.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Found the backup inhaler. Want to have sex?
Penny: Well, I didn't until I heard that.

Quote from Raj

Raj: (Outside, in a sing-song voice) Hello! Howard and Bernadette kicked me out because I told them they're having a girl! Oopsy, I did it again.
Penny: Maybe if we're quiet, he'll go away.
Raj: (sing-songy You're gonna have to be quieter than that.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I got a Gryffindor robe for you.
Sheldon: (exhales) Oh A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff? How scandalous.

Quote from Amy

Amy: (hiding behind the door in her Harry Potter costume) Hello Is this about the baby?
Raj: No. People just keep kicking me out everywhere I go.
Amy: Good. Then you're used to this. (closes the door on Raj)

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: So, what are we gonna name this kid? Now that we know she's a girl, it kind of ruins my plan for Wally Wolowitz.
Bernadette: Could name her after your mom.
Howard: Debbie? (chuckles) No, she hated that name.
Bernadette: Did she have a middle name?
Howard: Melvina.
Bernadette: Let's keep thinking.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents. That was a big milestone for me.
Sheldon: Oh, speaking of personal growth, I recently tried eating Swiss chard. You know, I didn't swallow it, but Amy said it counted.

Quote from Raj

Penny: You know, Raj, honey, you're being too hard on yourself. When I first met you, you couldn't even talk to women. I mean, you couldn't even talk if one was in the room.
Raj: Oh, great, now I can say things like "I can't believe you're breaking up with me.", "Why are you breaking up with me?", "Yes, I'll still help you move".

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